Amelia Wolfe

Amelia Wolfe | Female | British

I find "about me" sections as awkward as unexpected questions about my date of birth. I instantly forget basic information about myself and replace it with garbled nonsense. 

In place of useful information, I will write an embarrassing memory. 

When I was on holiday abroad, I competed against other female guests to be crowned Queen of the hotel. I can't sing, have about as much rhythm as a stick and (for all intensive purposes) can be considered introverted. 

So there I was on stage in front of all the other guests with four other competitors. I wasn't entirely sure what to expect from the competition but imagined it would be relatively straightforward and I'd finish it with my dignity intact. I was so naive. A few of the challenges have been shunted into the deepest, darkest depths of my psyche in order to protect my pride but from what I can recall it was all pretty horrific. 

I had to mime 'It's raining men' whilst prancing about on stage in front of male judges, I had to carry an orange wedged between my upper thighs and pretend to poop it into a bucket whilst making a chicken noise and I had to sexy dance for 5 minutes to appeal to the judges (I probably looked like a baby fawn). If that wasn't enough, the last challenge was to collect as many items of clothing from the audience as possible, underwear being double points. No one likes the British abroad, but a Scottish couple did me a solid and gave me clothes and my boyfriend stripped down to his birthday suit in the toilets to give me ALL of his clothes. 

Things I learnt from this catastrophe: Don't take part in degrading competitions (EVER!) Don't sexy dance EVER AGAIN! My boyfriend is a keeper and watching the hotel staff hold up his giant, sweaty boxers made the entire ordeal worth it. 

P.S. I didn't get crowned Queen of the hotel. Still a Queen though 👑