Aerona Malloy

i’m stuck on a metaphorical carousel that never stops turning but it’s my brothers birthday so i have to play the part and act like i’m not trapped in a bubble.

i’ve never felt more proud of myself then i do right now. thought, i know it won’t last, it still feels good.
          
          i’ve successfully completed two chapters of a story i never thought i would actually continue to write but thought, why not publish it and give it a try; see if you can pull it off.; see if you can get the motivation for it and keep at it. and, it worked.
          
          not only have i completed chapters for the story i never thought i would take anywhere, but i have gotten back into writing my main story too, as well as a little writing here and there for some of my side and drafted stories.
          
          i’m proud of myself for that.
          
          i had a huge break that i honesty needed. it was a much needed break, and i won’t be surprised if i need another one because that one only cleared up what i failed to see. it cleared up a lot in my life that was just beginning to boil. it was all a simmer before, but now it’s a low boil and when the heat on the stovetop gets hotter, it’s only going to boil more.
          
          nevertheless, i’ve gotten back into doing the one good thing i have going for me, and i have kept up with it for the past couple of weeks. and for that, i am proud of myself; accomplishing something i never thought myself to feels good.

i don’t know what it is, but i’ve had some good writing sessions lately. even though i’ve been feeling relatively hateful, i’ve ignored it like i usually do and poured it into my writing. which, i’m sort of glad about even if it’s not helping me in the long run, it feels nice to accomplish something i like doing and no one is telling me i should do; no peer pressure and no one telling me i can’t just because they don’t want me to. i’m feel free when i write and it’s one of the best feelings out there.

i crave violence and destruction; i want it and i want it bad.

why does not a single person understand? i mean, honestly. and an adult, at that! i’m so about ready to get murderous.

i’m going insane. 

this fucking world hates me about as much as i hate it. it just can’t cut me any slack. and i’m tired of it. so, take it all, world. take it all, because i don’t fucking care anymore. i’m done. just leave me alone and give me some fucking peace.

Is anyone else feeling like shit these days?