BeccyIsAlone

Well, I'm about to go have the worst 'conversation' with my parents in a few minutes. Right before I go into work tomorrow for possibly my most stressful day ever. Done my best to cry myself out before hand, wish me luck.

Just got called a stroppy teenager for telling my dad not to come into my room (I'm tired and just want some privacy), he came up anyway and said I can't be mean to him because he picked me up from work. Nice.

Still here, posting my writing on A03 now. Still figuring the structure of it out. Probably wont post anything from here on that account or drop the username. Doubt I'll edit or post anything on here now.

Nothing like coming out of a depressive mood that lasted all night where you literally sleep on the floor in the corner of your room for you dad to complain about your messy room and say you're not good enough.

Had a break down in front of my mum. She just told me to calm down and got pissed when I tried to explain why I was frustrated. I'm so tired.

F U to the guy from my school who was well aware of what my dad was like and had seen me terrified of him, only to start trying to get me in trouble with him by lying at parents evening. You deserve exactly what you've been given in life.

I hate it when people make fun of me for not knowing something. As a kid, I wasn't allowed on the internet until I was in secondary school, and we were only allowed to go to McDonalds twice a year pretty much. 
          
          I've never had a friend who didn't laugh at me for not knowing what a brand of clothing or food was, or not knowing about certain TV shows.
          
          It's still happening now. I've been online for years, I found out as much stuff as I could to try and fit in, but I fVcking know everything and I'm getting tired of this sh!t.
          
          I'm so tired.

Not having a great night.
          
          I was feeling so odd, I ended up forcing myself to cry to let it all out with a song playing on my laptop on repeat. The scab on my ear is bleeding, I'm starting to spend more of my days daydreaming instead of doing my work or anything useful to escape the fact I keep fucking up.
          
          I have like four months to start and complete an online course that I wasn't ready to take. At this point I'm just self-sabotaging to get myself in trouble with my mum. I just want to go to sleep, but I'm bleeding and have a headache from crying.
          
          So yeah, not my best night, but at least I'm yet to top my worst.

I'm so fvcking tired

I legit forgot to eat anything a few days ago, but my snacking is under good control now. I keep going to bed late, but even if I sleep at a normal time I'm waking up around 10-12 ish