bisexual_succulents

Its been a while umm I know i am not really that active anyway i just wanna say i left wattpad because my life got better and this was a coping mechanism i might stay for like 3 books but honestly im probbaly not gonna stay i appreciate everyone who was here with me and just wanna say im jot dead lol

bisexual_succulents

Its been a while umm I know i am not really that active anyway i just wanna say i left wattpad because my life got better and this was a coping mechanism i might stay for like 3 books but honestly im probbaly not gonna stay i appreciate everyone who was here with me and just wanna say im jot dead lol

bisexual_succulents

So I was gone for a hot second :)

bisexual_succulents

@bisexual_succulents thanks! I had around 1,200 notifications!
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bisexual_succulents

To make a long story short i got rejected last night by a guy whom I rejected earlier a few weeks ago life is weird and im stupid for denying my feelings sorry I haven't been on wattpad tbh I know I don't update a book but still anywho drink water and take care of yourself pls

bisexual_succulents

Had my first day of eight grade today and dare I say it was chaotic but nice
          I saw some friends and made new ones all in all a good thing at least for me :)

bisexual_succulents

@Enby_Turtle oh you're only a year older than me 
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Enby_Turtle

@bisexual_succulents i’m 14 and going into 9th grade :”)
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bisexual_succulents

Tw: umm feelings of hopelessness? If ur feeling sad skip to the very bottom to hear things that make me happy cause I wanted to end on less serious note and honestly things maybe aren't all that bad
          
          
          
          
          Do you ever feel like you're just there just so your friends can feel superior to someone or smt
          I'm constantly underestimated im never enough my opinions are always incorrect to them there will always be someone worth more. I'm not the most athletic one or the funniest one or the prettiest one or the smartest one im not the most confident or charismatic one
          If I'm just the sum of my parts then what I'm I worth? If those parts on their own aren't worth anything then my value just drops. If they don't like something im saying I get told to shut up, never listened to 
          I miss when we were all in fourth/fifth grade and we all played outside and ran and played tag and hide and seek and it was all fun and no one was serious and we were all happy and school was easy and parents were nice
          When my future wasn't being dangled in front of my face just out of my reach being pulled further away or closer depending on my choices 
          Miss the countless nights were I wasn't aware of the current state of mayhem of the world and how my future is in the hands of greedy bastrads who are willing to sacrifice lives for money and my life is just another in the pile.
          I log on to social media to scape and im made even more aware of things outside my control 
          Im drifting trough my days in a haze of music and too much or too little sleep.
          I had to cut this into two parts

bisexual_succulents

And in between this sea of hopelessness I turn to the small things in life I enjoy
            Its a lifeboat made up of small things that bring a spark of joy to the darkest days I guess
            Cutting oranges is nice specially sharing with someone 
            On that note sharing food with people feels so humanly specially bread
            Feeding the baby ducks every baby duck season
            Waking up early and seeing the fish swim in the lake and the lake looks like a mirror
            Thunderstorms 
            The owl house getting the finale and so much representation this is a huge step 
            Playing mc with my friends 
            The guy I met at summer camp whom I now talk to every night without fault
            My friends the good ones 
            Seeing my plants grow and thrive
            My art slowly getting better
            Doing taekwondo 
            Biking 
            Climbing trees 
            Listening to my favorite songs or new ones
            The feeling of wind on a hot day
            The overwhelming urge to kill when playing uno with friends :)
            And the fact that as much pain my mom has caused on occasion she is honestly doing her best and this can all be fixed and I will not let my family bury me early cause I refuse to burden them with that
            And the nice people of wattpad who welcomed me into a community when I was feeling rejected
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