ON HIATUS

Hello I just saw your convo post but I wanted to know if you’re doing okay? 

---- this is a rant, nothing much. just ignore this ----
          
          
          
          
          mom is keep throwing her signature passive agressive tantrum for two whole months now while my dad makes me do his job with only meals twice a day as the wage. 
          
          I am fvcking exhausted from the work and whem I'm home I have to do house chores. I'm not at college rn since I just finished my final exams for the semester. 
          
          I feel like I wanna run from home but its gonna tarnish my family's reputation. I want to meet a therapist, but my dad already said (w/o knowing my intention to go to meet one) that those people just crave the attention, they are not actually sick, etc. 
          
          Usually, my parents still laugh at my jokes, which I know that things are still, okay, I guess. But my mom refuse to laugh anymore, just order me to do shits for her. Which triggered something in me like 'this is a red flag, emergency action inititate' kind of thing. I learned to survive that way, and now I'm beyond tired to keep up this whole fight-or-flight façade longer. 
          
          I am starting to sick, to be treated like I am a fvcking maid in this house. My little sister make this house like a hotel suite, and my brother keep making things worse. 
          
          I try to write things, but I can't, I keep doze off on the couch. (yeah, my bed is a couch.) 
          
          I am too afraid to die, I am a coward, I know. I just want to disappear, where people don't even know my name and who I was before. 

writing an arthur morgan fic rn, every time I write that he having a casual talk with oc, it always end up with smut. I don't know why. 
          
          its hard to not write smut about arthur goddamn morgan. my mind always divert there smh 

assignments deadline is coming near and I procrastinate by writing fics about a fictional cowboy 
          
          I swear the inspiration is pouring like a damn rain ffs 

a kid tried to sneak behind me when i'm working my assignment in a public library to scare me. he knew i was wearing wired earphones connected to my phone and i put my phone on the desk. 
          
          he was about to prepare to "bah!" when i turned around looking at him. he was purely shocked and said "you didn't feel surprised?" 
          
          and i was like "nah." 
          
          and he pouted before turning back to his desk, turning on some sht vids from the computer. 
          
          and im not even regret it. fvcking hate it when kid trying to disturb my peace. 

writing a criminal minds fic is kinda hard like idk what i can be to fit in the bau. i mean, all of them is expert in their field loll

I start watching criminal minds and having doubts whether to choose spencer reid or aaron hotchner (which is totally off the line since hes married with a kid and yes i'm still at season 1) 
          
          i have assignments and notes to complete *sobbing* 

chandler and monica really make me doubt my decision to be single

one word. 
          
          fuck. 

my boss gonna kill me tomorrow. 
          
          let's just hope I survive. *unsheathes my moss green lightsaber* 
          
          okay, jokes aside. I have to think of what I should say to my boss since I messed up pretty fucking bad. 
          
          will update, if I'm still alive. 
          
          love yall sweetcheeks.