Life only feels more and more false and lonely with time. It’s like I’m a mere spectator of the place and the interesting people who inhabit it. I wish I could talk to some of them. Some who I find funny, or who have similar interests to me, or that I like romantically. I’ll never talk to any of them because I’ve already locked myself out. All these people are inaccessible, I’ve locked myself in a tomb with two other similiarly antisocial individuals. Individuals whose moral compasses confuse and scare me. I look past their awful, sec destructive traits just to have friends. People to stand by me. As I don’t talk, I fear they form my reputation for me. It would only be logical for people to assume I share the qualities of those I am around. Or perhaps no one thinks anything of me because of my silence and awkwardness. I don’t know which is worse. All I know is I’ve dug this hole and I’m stuck. Eventually I’ll hit a wall I can’t painstakingly get over, and I’ll give up. I can’t be like this in the adult world, but I can’t see myself changing. I don’t feel motivation to do much of anything Gn anymore. I haven’t truly done anything in a while. I just wish I could start over and be a completely different person, and not this mess of a man I hate so much. I wish I could talk to anyone. But I can’t. And the fact taunts me. No one wants to help, cause why would they. And would I even except the help? It’s over. Just delaying the inevitable
