I'm so afraid to see you because I know that even if we don't talk, even if we don't touch, even if we don't kiss, even if we don't smile, that if it's just the slightest glimpse of eye contact that all the memories of us will just flood back. The time you held my hand so tightly as if your life depended on it with the lights turned off and my heart beating loudly. The time you told me I was nothing but beautiful when you found me crying on the back porch. The time that I told you "I love you" and that we could never last. The time I realized there was nothing I could ever do to make you stay. The time we had our last kiss on the first of July and that it felt like the night was raining with tears. The time when you were out of my reach and you didn't give a shit. And I don't think I can bear to relive that, to see that you moved on the hour you drove out of the city.



***

And in Spring of 2016, almost two full springs after you, my eyes met someone completely different. Shy smile, bright sinking eyes, and nothing like you. Hair shining many shades lighter, body as small as mine and happy baby eyes.

And now, someone filled out your cut out.

***

But it was not to be. 

Things had grown sour and nothing was meant to be ripened. Not in that moment at least.

It had been almost another spring since I met someone new. I had waited for the right moment and it backfired. It's never really the right moment for anything. So, I stay searching for the imperfect moment my dear finds me again.