kmin.

i'm highkey inactive but i'm gonna try and pull through soon. 

i just stalked all of my accounts. i've grown so much and i'm lowkey proud of myself. 
          
          i used to be a 13yo cringey but happy girl, 14yo stressed and depressed girl, 15yo self-hating girl, 16yp growing but still self-deprecating girl and 17yo learning-how-to-love girl. 
          
          now i'm a much better 18yo who's still trying to love herself. i don't hate on myself as much as i used to. i don't bodyshame myself as much because i finally understand that my body is beautiful just as it is. 
          
          i'm still trying to lose the thought of "dying will make it better." thankfully, my fear of death holds me back. sometimes, i wish i could have a peaceful life just like some people have. so i just think about how they may have their own problems and they just hide it like i do. 
           
          i'm not sure why i'm writing this. maybe it's the nostalgia i felt when reading my past self's thoughts.

rant:
          
          i always knew my mom was a homophobe. that's why i'm scared to come out. i thought that even though it'd be hard to "accept" it, she'd still love me. 
          
          so, i asked her  what she'd do if i was gay. turns out, she wouldn't love me and disown me.
          
          i get that you consider gay people to be "against nature" but you still raised and fed me. i'm literally your own blood, your daughter. just because i could ever end up being in love with a girl, you're willing to get rid of me as if i mean nothing?
          
          it hurts more knowing everyone except my sister has the same mindset.

tw//
          
          the guy i like may be sexist sometimes, but at least he's not gonna leave his gf if she ever gets r*ped

old wattpad was better than this new one. i just saw screenshots of how it used to be and i miss it.

i asked my mom if she would kick me out if i'm a lesbian. didn't expect her to say but at least i know to search for a new place in case i get outed lmfao

it's 2am on the first day of 2020 and i've already cried. definitely not my year

i'm happy that this time, more people wished me. 

it's my birthday because it's already the 21st here. i'm now 18!!!

i bet you that he's gonna be a dick about it when he wakes up lmao