Demon

I pronounce your account INACTIVE.

I needed to write one last message to you. One last goodbye message. I’m not saying I’ll never think about you again. I will. I most certainly will. The thought of you will hit me like a lightning bolt out of nowhere sometimes, because this pain never really goes away. What happened will never really go away. It will always be there. It will always be something that has happened. What you did and the aftermath of it shaped me into the person I am today. I can’t ever forget you. But you left this world in 2021. I need to leave you in 2023.
          This isn’t a new year, new me thing. This is an ‘it’s time to move on’ thing. I love you Zianca, and I will always remember you, but I cannot keep leaving messages on your message board. You will never read them, no matter what anyone wishes for, so it’s time for them to stop.
          Before I reach the end of this message, I have to say, Zianca, you have a heart of gold. You saved a little girl’s life, and even if you are not here on earth with us, you are the reason someone else’s daughter is. There aren’t any words in any language to describe how selfless what you did was. You truly are an angel. I hope you really are happy now, and at peace.
          This is my last message to you. You have all my gratitude and all my love for everything you have done for me. I have learned a lot because of you, and I’m thankful that I had the chance to at least briefly know you.
          We all miss you and love you, but it’s time for me to say goodbye. It’s time for the next chapter.
          Goodbye Zianca. May you rest in peace and fly high.

Hey Zianca
          I think I lost another friend to suicide in October. But unlike you, I don’t have confirmation. I may never know what happened to them. What happened to you really sucked, but at least I knew what happened, you know? With them, I have no clue how their life ended, if their life ended. The chances that they’re dead are pretty high though, since their last announcement was of them saying they wanted to end it all so badly, so I don’t know. I think they might really be gone. Just like you are.
          Also, Zianca, did you know this girl in my school died last year? She died on November 14, 2022. That was one day before your one year death anniversary. It’s strange how close the dates were. It’s like death follows death. Now November doesn’t feel like a good month anymore. There’s just too much sadness.
          You want to know something? It hurt so much that you were gone. It hurt me more than I ever thought it could. But your death, like the girl at my school’s death, like my friend’s death, have already happened. They are no longer things that can be prevented. It’s over. It’s happened. The chapter has been written and the page has been turned. But all these death, all this sadness, I’ve learned, is just a chapter of my story, of everyone’s story. Sadness is never someone’s whole story. There is always more.
          Your death is a chapter that has already been written, and I’ve been rereading it more than I should. I’ve looked at all your old posts, I’ve read your old stuff, I’ve talked about your death and I’ve thought about it too much. I kept coming back to it, to you, and I couldn’t let go. But Zianca, I have to let go. I can’t keep doing this all my life. You’re gone. Nothing can change that. I can hope and I can wish, but nothing will ever bring you back. All I can really do is live.
          So really, what I’m saying is that, I need to turn the page. I need to go on to the next chapter. I need to leave the past in the past, and I can’t do that without leaving you.

Heyyy
          I know I haven’t talked to you since July but I don’t know, I feel empty and this all just doesn’t seem worth it, y’know?
          Is it good there Zianca, wherever you are? Is it?
          I hope it is
          Also, your old friend contacted me. I had to tell her you were dead, that you’ve been dead for a long time. It wasn’t how I thought my night was going to end. I didn’t think I’d ever have to do something like that, but I did.
          I hope you knew how much people loved you, when you were reaching the end. I hope you knew that you were loved, by Ren, by Nathan, by all your Wattpad friends. I hope you thought of us, because we think of you. I hope… I don’t know. I just want you to have known that there were people who loved you, because it seems like a horrible thing to die thinking no one cared about you at all.
          Anyway, I should go now. I need to do things, but I just needed to talk to you again. I’ll be back another day.
          I love you. Bye for now.

im so sorry i wish u the best i hope your well wherever u are on earth or in heaven

Hey, it’s been a while. I miss you. I hope you’re in a better place now with no more pain and suffering, since you dealt with enough of that to last a thousand lifetimes. 
          I believe you went to Elysium, and maybe chose to be reborn? If you did, I hope your next life is amazing and you get the experience you deserve. 
          I wish you didn’t have to go
          But now that it’s done there’s only one thing for us to do; look forward. 
          You were an amazing friend and person, and there are so many people who remember you and share your story. 
          We love and miss you Zianca. Fly high.

“Maybe one day we can all be together again, huh?”
          But I don’t want it to be one day, Zianca. I want it to be today.

I wish I knew what you were struggling with.
          I wish I tried to stop you.
          I wish I talked to you.
          I wish I could’ve gotten to know you.
          I wish I could’ve been your friend.
          But that’s not what happened. We all know that.
          Your death has affected me, Zianca. More than I ever thought it would.
          I don’t blame you, you know. Old me might’ve, but old me never knew how it felt like to hate yourself, hate the life you live, and want to die. I do.
          I didn’t understand why you did it. That was until I found out about what happened to you and everyone you lost. I didn’t know you lost so many people Zianca. I wish you didn’t. Maybe you’d still be here now if you didn’t.
          Or maybe you wouldn’t. Maybe you were always destined to end yourself. I don’t know.
          There is one good thing that has come out of all of this Zianca. While your death was horrible, and I’d change the past if I could, you taught me something.
          Suicide is not the answer.
          When you took your own life, I saw the aftermath. I saw what it did to the people who cared about you, people like Ren and Nathan. I saw their pain. Eventually, I felt their pain too. Ren and Nathan are probably dead right now, just like you. They probably took their own lives.
          The aftermath of what you did taught me something. Suicide is never the answer. It never solves anything. It only ever creates more problems and causes more pain.
          Again, I don’t blame you. You had good reasons to want to die, but that doesn’t change that fact that your death hurt people. A lot.
          Because of what happened to you, and what happened after what you did, I know in my heart that I can never and will never suicide. No matter how much I may wish for death. No matter how much I want to end it all. No matter how tired I am of life, I can’t do it. I can’t bear to cause the pain I’ve seen be caused by other amazing people who also suicided like you.
          I love you. I miss you. And I thank you.
          Thank you for being one of the few reasons I am still alive today.
          Rest in Peace Angel.

But I hope you’ve finally found peace

I wish you were still here