Ivy

I wish I could actually hate my father. 
          I love him and the way he behaves makes me want to throw up.
          I feel ashamed of having positive emotions for him and I hate myself for that.
          The way he screams and throws or hits stuff... it's disgusting. 
          He's a fucking adult for maaanyyyy years, he should have learnt by now he's on the wrong side for doing that.
          
          I feel guilty for loving him and much more guilty for hating him.

Healthy advice by a university student:  Don't pull all nighters almost every night. Sometime it'll catch up on you. 
          The past week I slept in total for ten hours. On Monday I was like, pfft I'm going to sleep on the weekend but then the Friday we went clubbing till morning so I didn't sleep. Saturday morning and we were still out making the decision to go on a road trip.
          Now I'm four hours away from my apartment and university, while tomorrow morning I have 4 classes but for now I still have no plans for that or for when I'm going back. 
          
          Moral of the story; sleep because when you don't you make bad decisions 
          (Or good- i mean I needed that trip ngl)

I just read the MOST heartbreaking Haechan-centric fanfiction in ao3 AND IT IS LEFT ON A CLIFFHANGER NOT EVEN FINISHED.
          
          The last update was on December 30th but I really hope they update soon I need the last two chapters!!!!!!!!
          
          *you can message me if you need the name of the fanfiction but just so you know it has to do with Haechan unaliving himself.

Ugly crying till your tears reach your boobs<3
          ^me rn
          
          Hope things will work out and that there is actually a reason I'm doing what I'm doing, because right now I honestly just feel hopeless. 

I LOVE YOUR STORIES SM OMG

i fcking love your stories please

Today I was hanging out with a bunch of friends and we were talking about a person we recently met.
          What threw me off guard was their opinions about mental health issues and especially self harm.
          We all know that this person has depression and is dealing with these issues and their reaction was to hiss in disgust just by the mention of scars inflicted by self harm. 
          
          And that is exactly why there is still stigma around mental health. I have also dealt with self harm and now being aware of their thoughts; I am genuinely scared to share this aspect of my life with them. 
          
          No one should be scared to talk about their problems, whatever they are about. 
          
          When a human being goes as far as to harm themselves, they need guidance to be able to live and love life, not medieval comments guiding them towards death, whatever death means for each individual. 

So a few days ago my therapist tought me a way to get rid of my anxiety and panic attacks and it is actually working, so I wanted to share it. 
          After my best friend's death I felt completely traumatized and that moment was the start of my therapy journey. For almost a year now I could not find a safe space so my therapist helped me create one.
          She told me to imagine a place that I will only be able to be there, no one else, not even a pet. There I would choose what I'm doing, feeling, smelling, hearing, taste, how this space would be decorated etc. This space I will be able to "visit" whenever I want to feel safe with all of my senses. 
          Also, we created another space, where there is a box located that it cannot be destroyed and it can be locked and I am the only one who knows where it is located and I have the only key. In that box again I am the only one who has access and the purpose of its existence is for me to lock my intrusive and negative thoughts when I am overwhelmed by them and get back to them whenever I feel I can deal with a certain thought I've placed in here. 
          It has worked for me really well and I hope it can help other people too. 

Hi! My name is Ivy. My best friend @johnnyScoNfideNce her name was Marilin has died, which has impacted me a lot. However, I had to keep going with my life and I feel that I can finally find comfort once again in things we used to do together, such as writing. 
          I've been thinking for a while to finally create my own account and here I am. I find writing as a form of art, a way to express myself and my thoughts. 
          I hope to write a lot and to create beautiful stories that some could find comfort in. 
          Welcome, to my daydreaming reality...