tyrrell19

I'm gonna get ride of wattpad I'm not on it much anymore, I'll check on it every now n again on my laptop  but if u would like to talk in-between, then  add me on  Discord @tyrrell19#8658
          	Or snap @etyrrell89

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Since 2021 is ending send this to everyone who made your year special

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@tyrrell19 just being there for me
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tyrrell19

@daddys_widdol_bwoy awwww thanks you but how??? 
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tyrrell19

Just a rant u don’t have to read it……
          
          I’m  struggling, I’m getting worse! I’m having breakdowns daily and having thoughts to do stupid things daily!!! My grades r going down hill, I hardly do my homework anymore, no ones noiticing! I’m daydreaming a lot more then I used to I but my lip I pick at my skin my leg bounces up n down in class n no one noitives! I just feel so invisible at school! Two friend (who I thought where close) don’t seem to talk to me much anymore! I’m just getting shouted at, at least once a day at home! I’m stressed at home!!! N I’m still here helping everyone else n acting fine daily to my whole family n friends!!! I’ve even started crying myself to sleep again!!! I’m sorry I don’t have to read all that 
          
          I’m sorry 

Bnhawofwc

@tyrrell19 maybe I don’t, but I do know this feeling. I still experience it, that fear of being anything even remotely like a liability or problem. Like you can’t trust anyone and you’ve been trying so hard to say something without saying it. You don’t know anything about what I’ve gone through either, and though it’s not the same, we feel the same way. The reason I’m so persistent is because what I was describing happened to me. It’s practically my fault that I didn’t get help when I needed it, just because I was scared. I was just so used to clamming up and dealing with it myself instead of asking for help, as you said.
            
            I’m not going to “leave it” and I never said being scared was your fault. I’m scared because of trauma and being programmed to never ask for help. I don’t know why you’re scared but it’s not your fault. When it is your fault is when you have a chance to heal and you don’t take it. I’m not saying anything about you, but that did happen to me. I’m never going to leave it because that’s like leaving a drowning person when they say that they’re okay and can get out by themselves. Obviously not. I may not be able to do anything right here, but what I can do is urge you to tell someone, just get it out somewhere. Even to someone who doesn’t understand you or in a journal. The more you understand about yourself, the easier it is to heal. You’re acting like nothing can help you but there are ways. Like just creating a daily routine, doing your homework, and taking care of yourself. When you’re done with that, get all that toxicity out of your life. 
            
            I’m not saying it’s easy, I’m saying that that’s how you do it. If you don’t want to do it, fine whatever, I can’t force you to do anything. If you keep on telling me that you can’t or to leave you alone, I’ll leave you alone. That’s not my problem. So do it or don’t, at this point I can’t care anymore. 
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tyrrell19

@Bnhawofwc it’s not my fault I’m scared, ik ur trying to help but u don’t know anything about what I’ve been through so pls just leave it 
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Bnhawofwc

@tyrrell19 nah the more you say you can’t the more you believe it. You can, you just are scared. Just do it. Open your mouth and say it. You can, but the more you tell yourself that, the less likely anything will change. At a certain point, everything could’ve been fixed if you just spoke up, but you didn’t. 
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tyrrell19

What’s the point in me being here when all I feel like is a punch bag n not enough!!!! 
          I’m going backwards I’m getting bad again but no one noitices, no one cares!! That’s why I don’t show it, I just wish soemoen would come n hug me n comfort me for once in my life but no! All people see is a chubby girl n automatically things I’m a bitch! 
          
          I’m so done with life, n peopel wonder why I bottle it up. 
          I’m sorry 

tyrrell19

@Yamikingofgames ye I do but sometimes I chose not to coz ik u have ur own problems n I don’t wanna stress u out or be a burden to u 
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Yamikingofgames

@tyrrell19 We may not be together anymore but you can still talk to me about anything. I hope you know that. 
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tyrrell19

What’s the point in living anymore when I’m not enough n I can’t do anything right! 
          I’m stressed with exams I have no motivation to revise and I need to AHHHHH!!! It’s so hard especially school, all I want is for people to not judge me for how I look but no everyone judges me n I’ve had enough!! What’s the point? All I want is for someone to notice I’m not ok n give me a hug!
          
          
          I’m sorry I had to say something I can’t keep it in anymore 

tyrrell19

@Yamikingofgames even kait tried telling u yesterday but u ignored her!! I’ve tried telling u but I just kept doubting myself!!! I just feel like I’m not important to u at times even tho kait keeps telling me I am n is helping me idk I’m sorry  I try my best I seriously do *crying* 
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Yamikingofgames

@tyrrell19 But you are important! And so what if I'm busy with work? You're more important!
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tyrrell19

@Yamikingofgames I tried to but u have been so busy with work, I just bottled it up n thought I’m not that important 
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