I'm a little late, but...
When I first met you, Joseph, I wouldn't have guessed that we'd end up here. I'd never have expected that you would become so important to me in a matter of, what, a few months? A year? It doesn't matter. What did matter, what does matter, is you. You were one of my best friends, you were like a brother to me. We saw each other through good and bad, through the ups and downs of our lives. I had to talk you away from a knife more than once.
And you know what? I don't regret it. Every second I spent talking with you, it was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I'd think of you when I woke up, I'd message you past my bedtime, I'd talk about you in school and be too shy to ask what you looked like, so I could draw you. And now I won't be able to fall asleep to your virtual voice ever again. We had so much more to talk about, you know? We could have talked about our favorite colors, the smell of rain, music, all the important things. But now, I'll never get to.
I say it from the bottom of my very soul, I wish it had been me. I wish he could have lived to transition, I wish he could have lived to be happy again. I would trade anything to hear his voice once, just once. To hug him and tell him how much he mattered, not just to me but to the world.
I'm going to miss him, so much. I know, wherever he is now, he's happy and safe and loved, and he's not dysphoric at all. He's in a much better place now, and I can only hope that when I die, I'll get to see him.
But for now, I've got to say goodbye.
I wub you, Joseph.
