{Prepare yourself.  Bullshit ahead.}

 ➵I am a dynamic figure, often seen kicking ass and playing Sudoku.
 ➵Using only plastic sand castle shovel and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon rainforest from a horde of ferocious army ants.
 ➵ I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes, live in a cardboard box under a bridge and am an outlaw in Peru.
 ➵I am the subject of numerous documentaries (on monkeys.) 
➵I don't sweat (because that would require movement.)
➵But when I do sweat, I sweat glitter (which I have never done because I don't sweat.)
➵Fashion critics worldwide swoon over my amazing fashion choices of no bra, track suit pants and matted hair.
➵I am the fifth ninja turtle.
➵Vacuum cleaners are deadly.  Do not engage.
➵I once read The Hunger Games, Confessions from an Asian Boy and I'm the Gang Leader's Possession in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening.
➵I am the real Slim Shady. And no, I will not stand up.
➵My spidey senses are tingling.
➵The laws of physics do not apply to me.
➵I am the  reason my parents didn't have anymore children.  And condoms.
➵I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a toaster and an award-winning chef.
➵I am not a robot Gmail.
➵I am Batman!

Life's too short to write a boring bio about your real life.

But if you were wondering about me:
➵Tamika is a creature found in air-conditioned ecosystems that roams the wild looking for pizza and free wifi.
➵Is a small human being that makes up for her height by having a big personality and a high percentage of body fat. 
➵Screw you, I'm still Batman!

Don't believe me?  Well, have you ever seen me and Batman in the same room together?  I think not.