just read the most angsty, gut-squeezing, heart-bruising, nausea-inducing, misery-casting, sob-building, grief-formulating, bittersweet and literally everything in between haobin piece on ao3 and i am oh i am so ruined i feel like i feel like nothing is real anymore and suddenly i have a fear and the room is so cold and desolate and my mind is not functioning properly and all i can think about is how devastated i am after that like my perspective of life and my personality will no longer be the same i feel like i have seen it all and simultaneously i have not seen enough like this is Actually Ridiculous my goodness that was such a visceral experience i want to travel back in time to go through all that again desperately oh ymgenfksjf OH MY DAYSSSS