Liberosis- the desire to care less about things—to loosen your grip on your life, to stop glancing behind you every few steps, afraid that someone will snatch it from you before you reach the end zone.
If I were to explain the amount of times I found myself at the top of the Astronomy tower glancing down at the unidentifiable figures that spread in the clouds; wishing so hard to become one with them; I'd be filthy rich.
I'm talking millions of galleons here. Each day was the same, each night followed the same never ending loop. Six glorious years at Hogwarts spent with my ever so loving, big group of friends, and caring boyfriend. Fortunately, that's not my situation.
That's not my story to tell, I never experienced it and now that the thought has stirred in my mind; I've fallen ill to it. Much like the aroma of the lit cigar hanging between my lips. If I squinted my eyes hard enough, the smoke could be mistaken as the dozen of scattered clouds.
I found comfort on the corner of the floor, my back against the railing. I wonder how many people came up here contemplating how long of a fall it would be until they reach the seemingly never ending pit. If I were to start counting now, I would make up at least a half dozen of them.
I'm sure eventually I would receive an owl with a proper notice of my absence in my most recent classes. This year I would have to pass the N.E.W.T exam to prove I've mastered the basics of magic. It all seemed like a bunch of information we still haven't shown any real need for.
Hogwarts is a school of horny teens with magical wands and a shit ton of potions and spells that should be illegal. Love potions? Imagine trapping anyone you want in a relationship without them having the clearest idea. Don't get my started on Confundus.
Every drug and substance is at the tips of our fingers. You're considered lucky if you have connections to the Muggle world. The shit they have their is worth hundreds of galleons here. I would know, the two sellers here are the most ridiculous siblings that happen to be twins.
I however had little access to these custom goods. I had to pay an arm and a leg if I needed anything. Eventually, it would get the best of me.
I was born into a privileged family that just so happened to be apart of the Sacred Twenty Eight. Yes, my parents are one of the many who happen be Lord Voldemort's little minions. I wanted to part of it.
"Excuse me, what the fuck are you doing up here?" My head snapped at the voice interrupting my many thoughts.
I would be lying if I were to say I were surprised at who it was. The same boy I found nearly wanting to fling himself off the edge of the tower. That's one more galleon for me.
"What does it look like I'm doing?" If he wanted to ask questions with obvious answers, I could too.
I could see the reflection of the red bud on the cigar in the pupil of his eyes.
"Wanna hit?" I offered, he wasn't a stranger to any of these things. In fact, he was one of the twins many customers.
"No, I'm good." He made his way to the railing. His body leaned against the cold metal surface.
"Gosh, don't tell me you're gonna do what I think you are?" I dragged myself to my feet. My finger tapping the end of the cigar, letting a few ashes merge into the wind.
"No, what is wrong with you?" His eyebrows met in the middle of his face as he snapped a glance my way.
"Just making sure, it wouldn't be the first time." He held the inability to speak. My focus shifted to the portrait seeming view in from of me. Hogwarts was truly beautiful.
There was a silence that feel between us, it was one that consumed the oxygen surrounding it.
Over the years I found comfort being alone, although no one is truly alone.
"It's nice up here isn't it?" I took another hit from the cigar. It was nearly full, the wind beat me to it. It was as good as gone.
"Don't get caught with that up here, lord knows Dumbledore will have access removed from it immediately, bloody oaf." He spat. There was a throbbing vein in his neck as he spoke. He always seemed to tense.
"They won't find me, surprised you haven't taken this spot up." I could faintly hear him muttering is disagreement.
"Well, I'll leave you to it. Try not to cry to hard, the Hufflepuff dorms are below and they keep the windows open." With that I sunk the tip of the cigar into the metal rail; landing next to the other cluster of spots. I spun on the flat of my foot and headed for the stairs.
"What happened to you?" He inquired. It was the same solicited question I'd ask myself.
"Life." It was an answer with a double meaning. Draco and I use to be friends although he would consider me an acquaintance. With the events that took place during the third year, we simply drifted apart. It was bound to happen. I was quick to discover friend aren't meant to be everlasting.
It was nice to know deep down he was truly just as fucked up as me, aren't we all.
