Chances

Chapter 36

But she knows that yesterday had a severe impact on Carina and that's the reason why she's behaving like this, therefore Lily doesn't really have a reason to be upset with her. She needs time and space and if that's what she wants, then Lily will give it to her, no matter how much she wants to be let in. The last thing she wants is to lose or push Carina away.

They'll be okay.

Right?

--

Lily stayed outside of their dorm room door that entire morning. She didn't even think about going anywhere else. Hell, where would she go at 5:30 A.M anyways?

She sat with her back against the door, replicating exactly what Carina was doing on the other side. She could just barely hear the sounds of her girlfriend's crying the entire time and even though it was difficult to withstand, she still didn't get up and leave. What if Carina needed her? What if she suddenly opened the door with tears in her eyes and wanted Lily to comfort her?

Carina didn't though. She never opened the door.

Lily didn't think it were possible to be more drained than she was yesterday, but then again, she didn't think Carina would hurt her or ever treat her that coldly. Life just loves to prove her wrong.

Eventually, Lily fell asleep while sitting back against the door, hugging herself in a futile attempt at warming her body up. It was absolutely freezing in the hallway. She woke up with a crick in her neck and shoulders, goosebumps along her arms and legs, and her heart just as tired as before.

Lily doesn't know what time it is, but she has a pretty good indication that it was approaching 8 A.M based on the number of people she sees leaving their rooms to head off to their morning classes. Some of them gave her slightly odd looks, but one of her relative acquaintances in her math class stopped and asked her if she was alright. Lily tried to play it off and say she was fine, but anyone could tell that that wasn't the case. The friendly, dark-skinned girl just gave her a sympathetic smile before leaving to go on her own way.

After another half and hour or so, Lily presses her ear against the door and listens closely for Carina. Lily needs to come back inside. She can't just be kicked out forever.

So with hesitant and cautious knocks, Lily calls out, "C-Carina? Can you let me back in, please?"

She waits for a couple of moments. No response.

"Please?"

Nothing. She starts to think that maybe Carina is sleeping, but Lily hears the unmistakable sound of her sniffling. In fact, it sounds like she's standing right at the door.

"I promise I won't talk to you or anything," Lily mumbles half-heartedly. "I promise I'll leave you alone."

After what feels like hours, the door opens slowly and it reveals a miserable, exhausted, puffy-eyed Carina. There are even fresh tears in her eyes and Lily's heart cracks at the sight, knowing that her girlfriend was on the other side of the door, crying all night and she wasn't there to hold her and wipe them from her face.

Lily was dangerously close to breaking her promise and reaching out to pull Carina against her body because that's what she's been so accustomed to doing, but she instead stands there with her arms tense at her sides.

Carina lowers her gaze to the ground and steps aside, allowing Lily to walk inside, which she does. The door closes behind the two of them and Lily watches sadly as Carina drags her feet over to her bed, sliding under the covers, into a little ball.

For a split-second, Lily wished Carina never let her in. The sight of her in this state is so unbearably painful that it might have been better to have never seen her at all.