50 Shades of Beige

4

(Picture of Margaret's painting of Ben)

Margaret Smith. It just flows off the tongue like liquid cement. I wonder what it would be like to be married. To see his his hand six inches away from mine! To sleep in the same room, but of course not the same bed. That's a little bit too much physical contanct.

"YO MARGARET GURL! Where da bacon, yo?" Kevin yelled. He was making breakfast. I don't know why I trust him so much. Last time, he put bacon IN the eggs. Who does that?

"In the fridge. In the ziplock bag marked 'Bacon'.",I said blandly.

"Fo' sho' fo' sho', cuzzy!"

"Don't call me 'cuzzy' you know I dislike that."

"Fo' sho' fo' sho' cuz- I mean cousin pal buddy chum. Hey you ever noticed how boring you are, why don't you go out and live a little, hot-pocket."

"I will have you know that Ben and I are now boyfriend girlfriend so you can just shut it you... you ... you ... cat licker. And what's with hot-pocket?"

"Just trying things out Margaret gurl." Kevin says with a shrug.

"You know just because I lock myself in my house all day and to avoid all contact with people doesn't mean that I am a boring person." I stated firmly.

"When was the last time your were in a relationship before Ben?"

"Well- well- uh that does not change anything. I'm not a manwhore like you, Kevin"

"Yo Margaret gurl you will never be a manwhore 'cause you ain't a man last I checked, its always hard to tell with you."

"Excuse me, Kevin I am 100% woman."

"Really? I mean TBH you are lackin' in the boob area gurl."

"KEVIN! I-uh-well-I mean- I am uncomfortable right now so..." with that I left looking for any excuse to get out of there. Kevin makes me really uncomfortable sometimes. Scratch that all the time.

~~~
Ben and I are taking a painting class together as a couple. How exciting. The paint instructor was way too enthusiastic about painting.

"Today we will be painting a portrait of a person. first take your 42 chiseled brush and paint an outline of your portrait..."

Like whoa dude bring it down a level. So I wanted to paint someone special in my life, so I paint the pope. No I really painted Ben but I was about to paint the pope when Ben said that he was painting me so I do what I have to do.

About a half an hour later I have finished my master  piece, I'm so good it only took me half an hour.
"Wow Margaret that's quite nice." Ben says in a monotone voice. He then shows me the painting of me. It was nice but it
was too colorful for her liking. " So do you like it?"

"Uh...it nice but it is too colorful, almost as colorful as Kevin's language."

"Thanks?" He replied.

"That wasn't a compliment Ben I like grey and beige you should know this by now, we are boyfriend girlfriend."

"I am most sorry, I'll will be sure to improve next time."