Anything But Ordinary

Chapter 7: Sink or Swim

It had been 2 months since the incident with Derek, and I was starting to get better... ACTUALLY better, not just "Meredith Grey" better. My physical therapist cleared me for surgery, I'd passed my residency test, and my relationship with Addison was amazing. I'd thought that love was based on servitude and general subservience. I always felt like love was earned, not given. With Addie, I was beginning to learn that love was unconditional and long-suffering. I was starting to realize that all I had to do was exist and I was given the world. Of course, I was still dark and twisty deep down, which meant some kind of way, things were gonna take a rough turn one day. I never expected it to come in the form of morning sickness.

It all started my first day as a resident. I'd just finished giving my "Bailey Speech" to my interns, then I find out my dad had another family... two daughters named Molly (she was a high-risk pregnancy turned emergency C-section that Addison was overseeing) and another named Lexie (she was one of my interns who recognized me instantly, much to my chagrin). I'd thought the nausea was brought on by stress and agitation... then the rape played over and over in my mind. What if... no. Please God, this can't be what I think it is. If I'm pregnant, then this baby would be a product of Derek's madness. I'd lose everything. My heart was breaking but as always, I had to keep it together anyway. I couldn't tell Addie. She and I were so happy, things were great. This would destroy all of the progress I'd made. Nope, not happening.

"Grey, you okay over there? You look pale." Shit. I wanted to tell her everything. I knew eventually, I'd have no choice but to tell her...yet, I let the lie come first. "I'm okay. Just a little tired. I'm still getting used to working a full shift, ya know?" "Okay." She dropped the subject for now, but I know her well enough to expect a conversation the minute we got home. Sure enough, we did our last check for Molly and soon as we got in my Jeep, she calmly broached the subject. "You wanna tell me what's really going on, or do you wanna keep on lying to me?" She managed to keep her eyes on the road while giving me her semi-divided attention. "I told you, Addie. I'm fine." I replied, trying to convince myself more than her. "Oh, I know what you told me. I heard you, and I also know that you've learned to lie as a survival trait. So I ask again, hoping for the truth...what's going on, Meredith?"

The Jeep was cut off and the walk inside was quiet, but I could feel Addison's eyes on me the entire time. "I can wait, you know. We can do this all night, Mer. You and I both know we're not on call tomorrow. We have plenty of time to discuss what you're trying to keep from me. Don't you think you'd feel better if you told me, darling?" Fuck. She had a habit of coaxing anything out of me with one word: darling. It was a sure sign of having her full attention and it was a pretty slick move to get me opening up to her. I just didn't know if she'd wanna hear what I'd have to say. Sink or swim, Grey. "I think I'm pregnant." I felt those oh-so-familiar tears of shame burn my eyes. How could I let this happen? I tried to stop the sobs from escaping but a low, anguished whimper managed to crawl out of my throat. Addison simply scooped me up off the floor and held me. "I know, honey. I already know."

"I'm sorry, Addie. I just wanted things to go right for once and now I'm probably pregnant by my fucking rapist ex-fiancé and you're gonna leave me and—" She cut me off with a deep kiss. "You're rambling again, darling. I've said this before, but given the situation and how well I know your mind in this moment, I'll gladly say it again: I. Am. Not. Leaving. You." "But Addiso—" I was silenced by two long elegant fingers against my lips. "Stop. You haven't even taken a pregnancy test yet and even if you are pregnant, I'm certainly not going to leave you. I know it's hard to believe because every person in your life who isn't Cristina Yang has let you down or hurt you, but I need you to trust that I won't either. I'm here whether you need me to hold your hand or take a fucking bullet for you. I'll breathe for you, Meredith Grey. I'll breathe for you until you're ready and able to breathe on your own. All you have to do is trust me. Can you do that for me?" I looked down only to have those same two gentle fingers lift my chin upward to meet shining blue orbs. "Well, Mer? Can you trust me?" "Yes." It was one simple word, but to me, it meant everything.

At Addison's insistence, I broke down and bought a home test and waited for the results. It's funny how 5 minutes could feel like hours when so much was on the line. My phone's timer went off and I was scared to look at the results. "Honey? Are you okay?" Addison called from outside the bathroom I was currently frozen in. She finally opened the door and picked up the stick. She lifted it to show me the results: Positive. Fucking positive. I was actually pregnant with Derek's baby. There was a time when I first started dating him that I would've been happy to see a plus sign on a pee stick... this was definitely NOT one of those times. All the tears I'd been trying to keep at bay threatened to spill out...AGAIN. "Honey, I love you. We'll get through this, okay? Please don't shut me out. I know what you're thinking right now. Please don't run from me."

Addison POV:

I knew she was pregnant. I'm a freaking world-class, triple board certified neonatal surgeon for Chrissakes. I knew the minute I heard her wretch in the restrooms in the residents' lounge. I'd already resigned myself to the possibility of being a quasi-parent, and I was surprisingly fine with it. Of course, I hated Derek Shepherd and if I ever catch within 25 feet of Meredith, I'd fucking kill him with my scalpel without hesitation, but I certainly wouldn't blame the child growing inside of Meredith for its conception. I didn't need convincing but I knew Meredith did. She was prone to running away from anything that could leave her vulnerable...not this time.

"I'm going to be here every step of the way, Mer. Please don't run." I looked into her worried blue-grey eyes. I could tell she was so afraid. I just wanted her to know how much I cared about her. "I'm scared, Addie. The trial is coming soon and if he finds out I'm pregnant, he'll use the baby against me for sure. I don't want him to win." That's absolutely not going to happen... not on my fucking watch. "Mer, he's not going to win this time. Whatever happens, good or bad, I'll be right beside you. I'm a world class baby surgeon, remember? If anyone can handle a pregnant woman, it's me." I said that last part to get a smile out of her and I was rewarded with one of her cute, full belly laughs. When she's unguarded, her laughs are like music. I could listen to them all day and never tire of hearing her sweet voice. I was fully aware of how incredibly whipped I was, but I couldn't care less. "Well, since I'm dating a neonatal surgeon... does that mean I can get an ultrasound at home?" This woman is going to be the death of me. So exasperating yet so incredible. "You know the answer to that."