Is this Hope?

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Chapter One - Komaeda's Plan

Nagito's POV

As I was lost in my toughts on the beach, overthinking everything, he came to me.

« Do you want to hangout?»

I smiled. The words came out of my mouth, almost automatically.

« I'm happy you're asking someone like me, but I have other things I need to do.

...

So don't worry about me... Have fun spending time with the others.»

I left quickly, before he could even reply to me. 
I'm sorry Hajime. I couldn't look you in the eye even if I wanted to.

I shook my head. Stay focused! You need to do this for everyone to be saved. It all depends on you now. To think i'll be the stepping stone for their hope to shine even brighter...I really am lucky.

They soon will be all preoccupied searching for the bombs. I'll need that time to put my plan into action.
I chuckled. I wonder how they'll react to this...

They'll probably be okay. That it was only me instead of someone else. Someone else who's hope shines so much more than mine. I need to get to the objective.

...

He'll understand...right? Once he figured it out at the class trial. Once this is over, he'll join me. If my plan succeeds, all the remnants of despair will die with me.

I sighed. I looked over to Hajime, who was with everyone trying to disarm the bombs. Fortunately for me, they didn't notice me.

This would've been so much simple If I hadn't fell in love with you.

But why should I care? He's as much of a stepping stone as I am...
A reserve course student...how pathetic.

I started making the footage I needed for my plan. Everything was going perfectly. Until....

«Nagito?»

... what is he doing here?
I closed my computer as soon as I heard his voice. Why is he so clingy today..? I looked a him with a cold glance.

-Didn't I tell you I had things to do?

- What are you doing here..? Uh- I- Nevermind that, just stop playing around! Where are the bombs?!

I chuckled. So this is what it was about.

- And why would I tell you? Isn't it exciting? Being scared for your life, knowing i'm the one in control of it...

- That's exactly what I'm talking about. As much fun as you're having right now, it's getting difficult for us.  I'm even wondering if you were lying about the bombs in the first place...

- That's for you guys to find out. Now, I'm sorry, but I have to leave.

« Wait, Nagito-

I ran away. I gave them enough hints as it it.. I couldn't stand lying to him. How could I tell him this was just to occupy them while I kill myself? But I couldn't feel guilty about this...After all, I'm only trash, my death is needed for hope to overcome despair. And logically, the mastermind would kill me.  I have to sacrifice myself for them to be saved from her. And since the others know about it, I have to be sneaky.

I managed to get away from Hinata. That boy sure is forceful...

I finally got to the secret spot I had found for my plan. Everything was already in place, as I had started preparing all of this way before.

I took a deep breath and laid down, tying myself up, leaving my right arm free.

I caught myself thinking about him again. I brushed off my toughts and took the knife in hand. My heart was beating so fast. I started laughing without realizing it.

« Come on, just get on with it»

I felt my grip on the knife loosen, as I was shaking. Of course I knew I was scared, but I didnt want to think about it. This was for the sake of hope. I couldnt abandon the idea.

I put the tape over my mouth, before finally starting with this "torture".

The spear in my left hand was pretty heavy, I was scared to drop it on accident before I needed to. This needs to be perfect.

I felt myself smile under the tape before finally cutting my tighs.

I let out a muffled scream but didnt stop until my tighs were cut up enough. I cut up my shoulder and arm, and once all of that was done, I propped the knife on a Monokuma plushie, and slammed my right hand trough it. Without meaning to, I let out a loud scream.

At this point, the fire had already started. I now just needed to wait it out. All that was left was to trust my luck. The mastermind would kill me with the poison.

....

         ....

Why is this taking so much time?

« Cough cough »

Wait...

«Nagito!! Are you in there??»

No way... This can't be...

- Hajime!! Stop this! Its dangerous! Nagito's not in here!

- Shut up! I know he is... He's up to something!

What...the fuck?

He tore up the curtain before me. I looked at him, spear in hand, blood all over me. He looked at me with fear and worry. He started getting closer to me. The fire was getting stronger and the others were panicking.

This is fine..! Just drop the spear! You have to! For the sake of hope!

....

Why can't I drop it?!

«Nagito, stop!!!»

Finally....I let go of the spear.

I can feel my heart beating out of both excitement and fear, as this is the absolute feeling I've been waiting to experience.

I'm sorry you had to see me like this Hajime...

Now it's over.

Please remember...from the bottom of my heart, I am truly in love with the hope that sleeps inside you.

No... I am truly in love with you.

Goodbye Hajime.

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