Fine Line

Chapter 2

(TW)

I got up the next morning feeling as shitty as ever. My throat burned from the events that took place last night, but it was nothing out of the ordinary for me.

I got out of bed, my eyes diverting to the full body mirror in the corner of my room, next to the boxes of my things I have yet to unpack from my merch company. I slowly strided over to it, knowing that I'm going to regret this decision in about 5 seconds.

When I finally situated my body in front of the mirror, I looked up and just about gasped at my appearance.

My eyes were bloodshot and accompanied by dark black bags due to the lack of sleep. My hair was shooting up in every direction possible, and clearly grew at least two inches. I've been wearing the same navy blue hoodie and gray sweatpants for the past week or so, and my nails were short and bloody due to the immense amount of times my anxiety led me to bite them.

This is who I have become. There's nothing I can do about it. I can't escape the monster that lives inside of me. The monster that forces me to eat, then forces me to throw it all up. The monster that causes me anxiety so bad that I shut out and lie to all the ones I love. The monster that refuses to let me out of bed most mornings. The monster that makes me want to tear every shred of skin and every piece of hair off my body.

The monster that won't let me stop thinking of him.

I blinked in realization.

Him. i can't stop thinking about him. His voice. His hair. The way he blushes when someone makes a funny joke on stream and he has to stop himself from laughing so hard. The way he looks down and plays with his hands when he gets embarrassed. The way he whispers when it's late at night, trying to not to wake his parents. The way his eye light up when someone mentions an interest of his in a conversation.

Him

Everything about him.

I looked down at the carpet on my floor, and just stared for a few seconds as it hit me all at once. Everything I do is for him. To please him. Because I want him.

I throw up just to look perfect for him.

I put on a fake smile and laugh at his jokes so he feels happy.

I protect him from dying in the games we play so no one can hurt him and he feels safe.

Every song I listen to reminds me of him.

I looked back up at my face in the mirror, making direct eye contact with my reflection. I looked myself up and down multiple times, even lifting up my shirt to look at my stomach. You can almost see my ribs now I'm so thin. 

But it wasn't enough for me.

It wasn't enough to be perfect for him . 

I let myself go so far to the point where I can't stop.

I turn around quickly in a commotion of overwhelmed movements, but fail to see the box right behind me due to the tears now clouding my vision. I fall to the floor immediately, dizziness filling my head. I go into the fetal position, and just cry.

I let it all out. All the emotions I feel. Hatred for myself. Admiration for him.

Confusion. Nausea. Exhaustion. Frustration.

It's all coming out like bile from my stomach. I can't handle it. It's too much at once. I need a distraction.

And that's when I hear a meow coming from besides me.

Patches.

I slowly get up the best I can, and try to control my labored breathing as I pick her up and cradle her in my arms.

"I'm sorry for being such a bad owner. I'm trying. I really am. You don't deserve this sweet girl." I say as I look into her pale green eyes. She purrs in response, and I sadly smile down at her.

I moved to my bed, and layed down while still holding her, and stared at my ceiling for the next hour or so while she slept.

**************

I was taken out of my peaceful state when my phone started going off. I reached over to the side table next to my bed, and picked it up.

Sapnap: Hey dude wanna get on the SMP? I'm not gonna stream or anything. I think Tommy is, but idc bc I'm bored

Sapnap: Also, how r u? You seemed a bit off last night on discord

He can read me like a book. After knowing each other for over 10 years, we know all the signs that the other shows when something is off.

Me: Yeah i'm fine i was just tired. And yeah I'll go on. I'm pretty bored too.

This could be a good way to get my mind off of everything. Off of him

I got out of bed for the second time that day, and maneuvered over to my desk where my pc and monitors were set up. As soon as my computer turned on, I opened up Minecraft, while joining the vc Sapnap was in.

I was decently surprised to hear Tommy yelling at Wilbur the second I connected, but what's new right?

" Dream! Dream! Oh my gosh you are not going to believe what this fucking idiot just said -"

I laughed, and played along with the bit they seemed to be going off of since Tommy was streaming and I know it would make it pretty funny.

I was still feeling a little off, and a little hungry, but acting for Tommy's stream took my mind off it for a few hours.

After his stream ended, he had to leave the call because he had college the next day since it was almost 1 am where he lived, and I stayed on with Wilbur and Nick for about half an hour after, just talking about ideas for the next part of the script we were writing.

" Hey, I know this might be weird, but I think I have an idea for a side plot we can add." Wilbur went on, " I think we all know how a lot of our audience is teenage girls, and one thing teenage girls enjoy is a good love story. Maybe we can add some romance in the script? You know, spice it up a little?" He suggested.

"Wait, that's not a bad idea Wil. I mean, your right they would love that. What do you think Dream? Sapnap asked

I sat back in my chair for a second and began to think. After making Tubbo and Tommy;s platonic relationship the main focus of most of the streams, the views on all their lore streams went up in huge numbers. This could potentially be a really good idea. But I still had one more question.

" I mean yeah, that's a really great idea. But who would the love be shared between? No one on the SMP is dating or anything from what we know." I asked.

"Well, that's the thing," Wilbur paused while the shifting of his body in his seat could be heard through his mic, " I was thinking that, well, maybe it could be between you and George, Dream."