Evanescing The Facade

9. Evolution of the clandestine tragedy

Trigger warning: acts of self harm (heavily emotional)

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"Like the sempiternal art with encompassing elements,
And molten pastels dripping from the canvas,
People adore what looks beautiful,
Not the efforts it took to look like one."

And why do we burn the dead instead of burying them? Because what's left behind is more tragic than what has gone, and grief is so unholy to feel home. Badi Maa has always told Mishti how holding on to our past is equivalent to never moving on from it. But aren't we all fragments from the past? Remnants of wars and plagues, a part archaic versions of ourselves, everything we survived and didn't allow to let kill us? Elders illuminate that you can move on, only when you accept that what you are waiting for is gone. But how was Mishti supposed to drain her blood without getting rid of it? How was she supposed to remove her facade without pealing her skin with it? We do burn the dead bodies but we are left with ashes. We scatter the ashes in the river but we are left with our hands. Mishti has always tried to keep her parents' bad marriage and their self-seeking intentions and actions as a distant memory but it's hard when what's left of that tragedy stares right back at her every time she looks into the mirror. A 'mistake' birthed from a tragic and toxic relationship, that's what she was. She could certainly cover all the mirrors with velvets in the room and escape her reflection but how was she supposed to escape the echoes of accusations thrown at her every now and then by every second person. She was cursed for her origin more than she was ever acknowledged for the times she rose like phoenix from the ashes, and moulded her own beautiful identity. People refused to look beyond the crimes of the people who were her supposed parents and the fact that she was given up on by the people who claimed to be her family. But was that her fault? She was never given a choice.

There's a rush of ignominy in tandems of breathlessness when your entire existence is yearning to feel belonged and there's nothing that could soothe the ache that it causes. Her skin was tainted three months back when the dermis holding her soul and bones was traced by fingers of coercive lust. She did manage to protect herself but the nasty sensations still lingered. Even her own skin couldn't help her feel belonged. Her existence has been abused for years now. And in the fullness of time, her soul has started to feel caged in her own body and blood. So, with craving for liberty came a compelling feeling to tear her skin open, let the blood drop free and allow her soul to escape the dungeon that her body had become. Holding a blade in her hand, desperately wanting to feel anything apart from the constant throbbing in her head and chest, she stood in front of her bathroom mirror, hating her reflection, she was prepared to run the sharp edges on her porcelain skin. But to her dismay, her foster mother, her Badi Maa's voice interrupted her actions. She enthusiastically called her out, talking about someone special wanting to meet her. And she slipped the key to the cage, in her pocket and went out.

"Pain has an element of blank;
It cannot recollect,
When it began or if there were
a day when it was not.

It has no future but itself,
It's infinite realms contain
It's past, enlightened to precieve
new periods of pain."

With the discovery of revelations shrouded in her origamis, came a sinking realization that their precious Mishti never really healed. Her pain was still alive, inhaling fire and coughing smoke, burning her from within. Abir who was so self assured about his bandage theory of moving on from the things that hurt, could feel he has been living the biggest scam. Love might bring sunshine and rainbows for a while but it doesn't work as an inertia for pain. He was torn from within when he finally peered into the depth of her miseries. Badi Maa and Bade Papa were beyond disappointed in themselves because even though they have moulded their child in a beautiful woman, she was a shell of a happy girl who was so dead inside. Mishti took a lot of time to accept then and their love but eventually she did. And they showered her with all the love in their heart, oblivious to the factors that were hampering her healing. Now knowing that the roots of her pain were still intact, with the doctor's guidance, they decided to bring people from her past but they had to be careful with their choice.