Evanescing The Facade

2. Slipping into stillness

"You have to relinquish every inch of the terrors of your past to move forward but it's not a plain sailing.....it entails great amount of courage to fight the demons that have haunted you into sleepless nights, especially when they crawl in every now and then."
 

                                                  -Niharika

Mishti figured that it was extremely naive of her to consent to the plan of putting up an act but what other option she had. There's was no way Kuhu would have accepted how groundless her claims are and there was no way Mishti would have forfeited her self respect because that was the one quality she imbibed from her bade Papa, the quality that was thicker than the pre eminence of blood, the one quality that made her feel she was his daughter. Ironically he too expected her to bow down but losing her grip on this last thread of recognition would mean losing her identity which has already faded due to the PTSD she was suffering from. Even though she was proven innocent, the terror of things that could have gone wrong was still lingering in her heart and dolefully everybody failed to understand that.

(M- Mishti, A-Abir, K- Kuhu, BM- Badi Maa, BP- Bade Papa)

M- I accept we decided to put up an act again, but only because that has worked before and what other option did we have? You guys simply gave us an ultimatum and left us with no choice.

A- You could have genuinely tried to settle the matter Mishti, but you chose to lie.

M- Settle the matter? How am I supposed to settle the matter Abir? It was Kuhu who rebuked me for no culpability of mine, it was her who blamed me of filching her "limelight" while I myself knew nothing about it. How can you expect me to apologize when all I did was defend myself?

K- Didn't I tell you guys that Mishti is the belligerent one. Even now she is condemning me even though it's me who has been wronged. It's her who has snatched all my happiness.

She was about to continue but one sharp glare from Kunal was enough to shush her for now.

Abir rolled his eyes at Kuhu's comments but continued to speak.

A- You should not have retaliated Mishti. The squabble would not have escalated if you would have kept quiet.

M- Abir are you defending her yet again?

BP- Mishti, what Abir said is correct, why did you have to get into this spiral of unending brawl?

Mishti couldn't help but wheeze at his words. Has she really disappointed them? Was she really wrong to defend herself? Is it her who has to slaughter her self respect, her only shred of identification for satisfying Kuhu?

A- Look at your parents Mishti, I have seen their eyes glistening with trust for you. How could you possibly hurt them? We decided to plan a family, right?

Mishti could no more meet his eyes.

M- And you still decided to leave me.

Abir widened his eyes at this

A- You are right, it's my fault. I forgot that you are still drowning in your reveries, you are scared that I might abandon you, you still believe that your parent's love is a mere act of goodwill, you still believe you will be diminished if you don't reproach. It's my fault that I expected a child to consider becoming a parent.

"That moment when you can actually feel the pain in your chest from hearing something that breaks your heart is when you feel that a part of your soul has been brutally sucked out of your body."

Mishti just exhaled a sharp breathe and smirked letting out an almost inaudible chortle. It felt like some just poured acid on her scarred soul, like someone just told her that all her fright and sufferings were simply insignificant. And what pricked her the most was the person who said it. Out of everybody it was that one person she thought understood the depth of her miseries.

Abir looked into her eyes and stumbled a step back. The action was so miniscule that it was invisible to everybody present there. Abir expected her to react or maybe shed a few tears out of guilt but the only thing he could see was emptiness. He thought he knew mishti like the back of his hand but for the first time he couldn't read her. There was no agony, no guilt, no anger...they were devoid of emotions but she was wearing a small smirk. As much as the inactivity in her demeanor bothered him, his brain couldn't fathom the gravity of effect the words he just blabbered would have had on her.

Nobody knew how to react and what to articulate. They just stood rooted to their places appalled by the exchange of dialogues that took place. They all wanted Mishti to behave maturely, they felt they were giving her a reality check and now no body could differentiate right and wrong. Even badi ma and bade Papa failed to read their "beloved daughter's" face.

Mishti could feel a thousand stones thrashing her chest but she felt empty although the despair demanded to be felt. She was ripped off her capability to express. She felt a force pulling her down, a word more and she would just collapse with no vigour to stand up again.

She simply turned around and started walking blankly towards her room with steps so small that they couldn't cover even half the distance they normally would, they felt light weighed but heavy, burdened with the agony running down her spine. The silence was so eerie that it almost felt ghastly until a soft humming broke the stillness.

It was Mishti's voice. Only badi maa could figure out the almost melancholic melody that she was singing and how couldn't she, that was the lullaby she used to sing for panicked little Mishti to allow a peaceful sleep to engulf her. Even as horror covered her face at the memory of it, she couldn't understand why was Mishti reacting the way she did.

"Aankhon mein meethe sapne lekar,

Soja bitiya raani,

Kuch hi pal mein aajayegi,

Chupke se nindiyaa raani...."

As much as she NEEDED to continue to hum she could feel the emotional exhaustion taking a toll over her body, the shallow breathes unloading every inch of the little strength left in her and darkness covering her vision. Within a matter of seconds she collapsed on the floor allowing the desperate need to escape reality engulf her. It was Abir's voice calling her name, that she last heard before she slipped into complete nothingness.

"It's beautifully terrifying to answer with mere silence while people expect you to be enraged. No wonder tranquility can be a storm some times."
                                           - Niharika

--------------------------------------------------------------

Hey readers,
I know you all want Mishti to vent out her frustration and I assure an outburst is going to be there but before that I just wanted to explore the gravity of pain that she must have felt.

I hope the perspective reaches you.
Kindly vote and leave the necessary feedback. Feel free to criticize if there's a scope of improvement. You are also free to express what you are looking forward to, I will try to include that in the story.

Thank you 😊

My Instagram handle: trails_of_my_barefeet