Spencer Reid/MGG Imagines

pascal pt. 2 ; spr

summary: spencer deals with a grueling case that reminds him of his son, and so he decides to finally come home

word count: 1,307                                                                                                                                                

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It has been a few days since Spencer had left, in which I had left him numerous voicemails about his whereabouts and mental status. Unfortunately, I had received no intel about him, until Garcia had reassured me that he had been cooped up in Derek's house.

It was around 2 pm in the afternoon and I had just put Pascal back in his cradle after feeding him. The sun beamed through the windows, emitting a gorgeous array of blinding rays into the living room where I sat. A book lay on my lap, specifically 'Persuasion' by Jane Austen, while I sipped on a cup of tea.

Despite the serene atmosphere, harsh thoughts permeated my headspace and completely betrayed the peaceful setting I was situated in. Throughout the days of the empty apartment, my mind had wondered about nothing but Spencer; even when I was cleaning, I would get caught up on a single task because I was overthinking.

Just like now, I had been staring at the same sentence for 10 minutes without a distinct clue of what it meant. My guilt had built its own narrative that took me out of my own reality. Truthfully, Pascal was the only thing that had kept me grounded in the past time. However, he also reminded me of the fight that ensued previously.

I was stressed- we were both stressed- at the time and the fight was nothing but agitation fueled nonsense. I and Spencer had gone through so much worse compared to our argument, yet I felt like this conflict embedded itself in Spencer's memory in a malicious manner.

On cue, the front door had opened tentatively, startling me in the process.

There he was in flesh and bone: Spencer.

He didn't look at me when he entered the living room, but he also wasn't angry. His shoulders were slumped, his hair was a mess, and he wore a grimace on his face. These were usually the telltale signs of a ghastly event.

He had dropped his belongings beside him carelessly and made sluggish, yet earnest strides to the chair I sat in. Within a few moments, he stood in front of me with his head still hanging low. Although with an abrupt maneuver, he placed himself on his knees and laid the side of his head on my lap.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled, his voice sounding distorted and muffled.

Instinctively I laid an apprehensive hand on his head, running my fingers through the tangles of his hair. I was still disoriented from his sudden behavior, slightly baffled as to what his intentions were. Although I had received clarity as I felt my lap dampen with Spencer's tears.

"Hey Spencer, what happened?" I asked gently, lifting his chin up slightly to get a good look at him. His eyes were puffy and dark circles encompassed them, making them more apparent. His eyes were flushed in a rouge color, yet they were painted by Spencer's melancholy tears. His lips were slightly pursed into a frown, a small habit he did whenever he was despondent.

"I'm so sorry."

He persisted in apologizing, repeating the sentence continuously as he ignored my inquiry. He muffled his head deeper into my lap, grabbing a hold of both of my wrists in the process.

"Spencer...tell me what happened," I stated, worry encompassing my entire consciousness as my heart wrenched at the state of him.

He had finally responded to my suggestion, looking up at me with his doleful eyes. "I had- there was this c-case we had and- I- just can't," he broke down in a fit of tears, incoherent whimpers emitting from his supple lips.

"Spencer..." I pulled him up from where he knelt, before taking him into my embrace. "You can talk to me- and if you don't want to that's fine- but I'm here," I professed, feeling him clutch onto the sweater I was wearing.

He pulled away and wiped his nose with his sleeve, recollecting his composure to elaborate on the reasoning of his discomfort. "I- we had a case and the unsub- oh my god, you won't believe it- he was strangling infants Y/N...INFANTS!" He explained, becoming exasperated as he came onto the topic of the activities of the criminal. I cringed as he spoke about the methodology of the abhorrent unsub, my heart wringing as I placed my shoes in the parents of the victim.

I continued to stroke his hair, knowing that was a comfort for him, as he continued with his disdainful spiel. He stumbled over a few of his words while venting, especially on the parts where he would mention the sadistic tendencies the unsub had. I noticed the volume of his tone increase whenever he'd get passionate about the subject, considering it was about the death of a child.

"And- Y/N- all I could think about was Pascal... what i- what if it was Pascal?" he lamented, gazing into my own eyes with regret. His attention flickered to the hallway where Pascal's nursery was situated. "I can't even b-be th-there for him, how am I-" he paused, getting choked up as his throat contracted in dread.

I was now stroking his cheek, wiping away any evidence of tears that were once there. I paid full attention to his words, observing how his facial features would contort in genuine agony. My feeling matched his own as if our emotions were intertwined or if our bodies transcended into the same being.

"I can't even be there for him...how can I protect him from people like that," he enunciated every word with self-reproach, shaking his head at his inability of being a father. Tears cascaded down his cheeks once again, hitting the sides of my thumbs as I comforted him.

"Spencer come here," I cooed, pulling him up to my level, so he was more accessible. I stood up with him, tightly holding onto his hand as I guided him into Pascal's nursery. He followed me in apprehension despite his disquietude, baffled about my intentions. I dragged him to where Pascal laid quietly, the music box playing in the background.

A paternal smile etched on the corners of Spencer's lips, contrasting the ferment mood he was in before. "That's your son," I whispered, encouraging him to take a step closer to Pascal. "And I know that he loves you with all his heart despite him not understanding what that is yet," I reassured, standing beside him with my arms wrapped around his free arm.

He reached into the crib, stroking the forehead of our son lovingly. "He looks so peaceful," he stated with a smile. I nodded, watching his face morph into a more content expression. It was as if all the horrible things in the world had dissipated and all that were in the room were the sources of his bliss.

"The things you- the incredible things- you do are all for protecting the little family that we have and I'm so grateful for you in my life," I began, snuggling into his embrace as he lifted his arm up to invite me into a hug. "And you were right, I'm sorry for-"

"No Y/N- I've put my job over my family numerous times, so I should be the one apologizing," he sighed, pressing a longing kiss on the top of my head while we stared at the bundle of our creation in front of us.

I pressed my hand against his stomach, clutching onto him as he would disappear again. "Let's not worry about that anymore," I suggested, closing my eyes in bliss. He nodded in agreement, leaning down to place a chaste kiss on my lips.

"I love you so much Y/N- and Pascal," he professed, pulling me into him.

"I love you too Spence- and Pascal."

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