As I Want You To Be

My Will Is Good

"This is it?" I asked as we drove down the long secluded driveway.

"It is." He replied.

"Oh my god." I gawked as the house came into view.

"Oh my god!" I said again louder this time.

I looked over at Kurt who was smiling like a goof. He must of been amused by my reaction.

"Who are you?" I asked happily. I wasn't really looking for an answer. I didn't care.

He laughed, pulling the key from the ignition. "Are you impressed?"

"Fuck. Impressed has nothing on this." My eyes were wide as I slid out of the van.

While the house wasn't a mansion it was old time charming. Half root beer colored siding half stone. It had a white balcony stemming out from the very top. Vines grew across the sides and giant bushes with pretty red flowers lined the front.

"Come on I'll bring you to your room." He grabbed my backpack and threw it over his shoulder.

"Oh, no. I don't need a room ill just stay on the couch.." I followed behind him as he opened the main door.

He looked back at me briefly. "Why would you do that?"

"I don't wanna inconvenience you.. Or anything.." I stumbled looking for the right words.

He removed his sunglasses and squinted at me. "You're not."

I didn't dare argue. There was something so decisive about him, so sharp and to the point. He was unthreatening, kind and sort of beautiful..

"You should probably shower or something. I mean if you want." He looked me up and down. Guiding me to the bedroom.

"Yeah I guess I should. I'm a mess." Every inch of me from my chucks to my face was covered in smudges of dirt.

"You can stay in here. Sorry, I'm not one for guest rooms." He seemed truly apologetic.

A small air mattress lay in the middle of the floor. A thin sheet, one pillow and a green blanket sat sloppily on top. No tv. No furniture. Just a bed and a little stereo.

"It's okay. Better then under that bridge." I chuckled.

"Yeah believe me I know." He placed my backpack on the floor. "So here's the bathroom." He pointed across the hall.

"Thanks." I nodded.

"The shower sticks a little so I should probably help you."

I gave him a strange look. Realizing what he said he quickly changed his mind.

"I meant help you turn it on. Not wash yourself or anything." His face turned red.

I began laughing. "I know what you meant."

He leaned over turning the shower water on and adjusting the temperature. Like I was his child.

"Is this okay?" He asked. I dipped my hand under the faucet.

"It's perfect." I smiled.

For a moment our eyes connected. We were silent, just staring at each other before I broke my gaze away awkwardly.

"Alrighty I'll let you do your thing then." He backed away bumping into the door as he left.

An hour later I emerged from the bathroom in a white t shirt and a pair of gray sweatpants, Kurt had left them for me on the sink I assumed they were his own clothes. They fit me surprisingly well.

My hair was in a partially wet messy bun on the top of my head. I brushed my teeth, applied some Chapstick and went in search around the house for Kurt.

"Kurt?" I called looking into each open room.

"In here." He replied.

I followed his voice.

I found him, lying on his bed which had a frame, furniture and all. Shocker.

"Hey-" he stopped talking after looking at me.

"Is something wrong?" I looked down at myself concerned by his expression. That's when I realized my red lace bra showed through the thin white shirt. Shit. I had only brought this one.

"Sorry. I uh- I don't have anything else."

"No it's okay.. I shouldn't of stared like that." He changed the conversation. "Are you hungry?"

"Starving."

"Come on. I make a mean grilled cheese." He half smiled.

For the first time in a long time I felt safe, I felt cared for. I almost felt loved.