peppermint smiles

two.

cooper

"sorry i'm late, i'm your guide. my name is-"
travis?
my heart suddenly drops. no shit, my childhood best friend who just disappeared out of nowhere is now back. i have so many questions, but for now, i keep quiet and ignore it. i'm good at ignoring things.

"i'm cooper, and i'll be your guide today. i'll show you around your classes and the school. you won't need to worry about homework. today is just a meet-the-teacher day. you probably heard that already, though." i scratch my head. you can tell there's awkward tension. travis looks at his shoes and itches his nose with his finger. he does that when he's nervous. i can't believe he still does that. he finally stands up, and i open the door for him.

"after i show you your classes, can we catch up? what the hell happened to you? i thought you died!"
i have never felt this hurt in my life. i know i'm the quarterback, i'm not supposed to show emotions, i'm supposed to be calm, but in reality, i'm hurt. my best friend just up and left. who the hell does that?
"cooper, you don't have to show me my classes, if you want you can just go. i know you're upset. i know i didn't get to say goodbye, but it's not my fault. i thought about you every day. i know you're mad. you can go. i can figure things out myself." he sighs. i'm so unbelievably upset, but i pull him aside. "can i take you to my spot? can we talk? please? i know i'm upset, but i'll calm down. i just need to know what the hell happened." i gesture at him to be quick, and we both fasten our pace. minutes later, i show him my favorite spot: the garden. nobody goes here. it's quiet. and peaceful. and beautiful.

"travis, what the hell happened? why'd you leave? you didn't even say goodbye. you didn't even tell me. you left without warning. my best friend- my only friend for a long time- just left me. i was hurt. i thought about you every day. i reread our letters we wrote each other in math. it's all i had of you. and you couldn't even tell me you left? why did you do that? i thought we were-" my rant gets interrupted by me starting to choke up. i quickly wipe my face and pretends nothing happened. i hate crying. i hate showing emotions. this isn't the star quarterback material. this isn't who i should be.

"coopie- can i still call you that?" i nod and smile. i forgot about that. "i'm sorry i just left. it's a long story. the day i left, that summer, everything. that summer, everything was weird with my parents. they started arguing a lot, my mom would go out a lot. that's why i'd stay at your house all the time. i had nowhere to go. you helped me get my mind off of it. one night, my mom came home, back from a bar, presumably, with another man. i was in my room, but i heard a voice that wasn't my dad's. i decided to keep quiet, but i was awake. i heard everything. my dad was supposed to be out on a business trip, but he came back early for their anniversary. even though they were fighting, he wanted to surprise my mom and be all romantic. he walked in on her and another guy in their bed. i pretended to sleep, but i heard their argument, it was bad. he 'woke me up' and told me to get all my stuff. i did, and my dad took me out to the car. he told me to not say anything. he just started driving. and we drove and drove until we were across the state, at a random hotel at 3am. my dad called my mom and told her there would be divorce papers and everything was all set. and that was it. my dad found a house on the other side of the state and i didn't see my mom, except at the court hearings. my mom said she didn't want to see me, didn't want to remind me of the mistake she made, so i stayed with my dad full-time. i didn't get to say goodbye to anyone, not even my mom. we just left and never looked back. my dad enrolled me in a private school, and by the time i got a phone, it was too late to reach out to you. i thought of you every day. i wrote about you and drew you- remind me to show you later- and i had to get my mind off of this town and everyone here. last may, my dad went crazy. he went out one night and didn't come back. i thought he went on a bender again. but it was much worse than that. i always knew my dad had problems, but i didn't think they were this bad. of course he was an alcoholic. his wife cheated on him and he didn't have anyone else. of course he was lonely. but that morning in may, it was different. i woke up to a knock on my front door. it was the police. i thought my dad was dead. but it was worse. he was in jail. i had so many questions, what did he do, where he was. the police took me to the station and explained that the night before, my dad went to the bar. he was seeing a woman, but it wasn't that serious. i didn't even know her name. he met her at the bar. he went to the bathroom, and when he came back, there was a man flirting with her. he took him outside and beat him up. he beat him so bad he had broken ribs, a broken arm, and half of his teeth were gone. my dad pulled a knife on him, and by the time he pulled the knife out, the cops came. the guy had to get life-saving surgery. it was that bad. my dad went to jail for attempted murder. my dad, out of everyone. i spent the rest of the school year with my grandma, so i could at least stay at my school until the end of the year, but i decided to move back in with my mom. i missed her, and i needed a new start. i couldn't be known as the kid who's dad was in jail for almost killing someone. especially at a private school. so i came back. i'm sorry if that's a lot to hear. i'm sorry i just up and left. i hope you understand." travis started to tear up. i hugged him. everything felt so right, but so wrong. "i'm sorry i blew up at you. i didn't know. i'm sorry, trav, i really am."

we sat on the grass, hugging for what seemed like hours. i looked at the clock. it had only been twenty minutes. "cooper, i'm sorry i didn't reach out. i should've. i know i should've. i regret i didn't." i shush him, and continue to hold him. it feels weird, i know i'm not gay. but this feels right. i always knew travis was gay. he came out to me in fifth grade, but i didn't think much of it. i knew i liked girls. it didn't effect anything. but holding him right now felt weird.

we finally got up. i showed him where his classes were, but we didn't go in. attendance didn't matter today, so i just showed him where the classes were. i showed him where my brother talked about in his suburban legends, the bathrooms, the closets that people used to hook up in, the classrooms with the crazy teachers. things felt so weird. it almost felt nostalgic. i missed my best friend. my travis.

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