No surprises.
This is an example of an actual private review I have done in awards of someone's book.
Character names, as well as some details, have been changed to protect the identity of the book and author...
It's not an exact likeness but it is similar to the kind of thing that you can expect to see if you request a review from me.
Read on...
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Mystery title by @ARMYAUTHOR
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There were a quite few times your word placement and usage was incorrect and your use of punctuation and capitalisation was inconsistent. Here were my findings :
Incorrect word usage - Maybe. Anyway and the way you use 'Off'
'May be' and 'Maybe' 'Any way' and 'Anyway' are similar words but used very differently.
May be is referring to a state of something.
"The cat may be dead" or "The dog may be hungry" etc
Maybe is referring to a state of mind.
"He doesn't like me, maybe" or "I might do it later, maybe" etc
Any way is used for possibility or direction.
"Is there any way I can drive?" or "You can go any way" etc
Anyway is used to support an idea or as a conversation ender.
"I don't know, and anyway, it doesn't matter" or "Anyway, goodbye" etc
Your sentences - Time has passed off, time went off, swallowed it off, you groaned off
The definition of 'Off' is related to the removal of something or the separation of something, so you are not using it in the correct context.
The correct way is, 'Time has already passed' and 'Time went by' and 'Swallowed it down' and 'You groaned'
Specific word usage
Your sentence – He was standing nine steps away from me.
There are many ways to better describe these things without being unrealistically specific.
For example, 'He was standing nearby' and 'He was standing just out of arms reach' and 'He was standing at a close distance' etc
Repetitive word usage
Pissed, I said, he said, I asked, he asked
There are many ways to better describe these things other than just the above.
Pissed = irritated, annoyed, irate, fuming, seething, riled, infuriated, angered, mad, furious etc
I said, he said, I asked, he asked = I explained, he replied, I queried, he questioned etc
Capitalisation of random words
In the middle of some sentences you capitalised many words like, 'Tinkled' and "Frustrated' and 'Hadn't' and 'Eyes' and 'Stumbling' and 'Strange'
This also happened in the middle or end of words like, 'sIx' and 'JiMin' and 'HelP' and 'ThigH' and 'EaTinG'
It would be beneficial to familiarise yourself with the capitalisation rules as words like this, in the middle of sentences or words, aren't included in this
Missing capitalisation
• Jung entertainment, director jung, jung hoseok
These are all names/titles so they should all be capitalised, 'Jung Entertainment' and 'Director Jung' and 'Jung Hoseok'
Exclamations marks used but following descriptive words don’t match
Your sentence - “Excuse me!” I said hesitantly.
An exclamation is used for something that is said in a strong, loud or emphasising voice not a hesitant one
Word positioning and structure
Your sentence - You walked through the corridor and finally here you was, standing in front of...
This is not structured correctly so it doesn't make sense.
You walked through the corridor and finally here you (< all present tense, what you are doing now) was (past tense, what you were doing before)
The proper way to structure this is - You walked through the corridor and finally there you were, standing in front of...
Joining words before verbs
On, a, the, in, to, that
Your sentence - There was mirror on wall
Whenever there is an object or an action in the middle of a sentence there must also be a word to join them.
'There was a mirror on the wall'
'It's on my chair'
'I have a wrench'
'It is in the cupboard' etc
My overall findings
Your story has the potential to be amazing but needs more attention to detail to get there. Try and put more time into your editing, proofreading, vocabulary and grammar - and it will make your great story even BETTER!
I suggest, finding yourself a committed beta or editor who can check over your chapters before you post them to give you feedback, and for your grammar there is a great app called ‘Grammarly’ which would help you. Otherwise, you could type your story into something like a Microsoft word document which has an autocorrect feature built into it. Just keep reading and writing and you’ll get there.
Linney xo
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