XuanJoo #1 [N]

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It ached.
And it ached.
Zhou Yixuan, rumoured to be dating Cheng Mengyao, along with self-acclaimed ex-girlfriend coming to spill her side of the story.
Then it ached again. And again.
He might actually have a girlfriend.
Unicorns are even supporting him into "marrying the two quicker for a UNIQ renunion".
Ache.
Just for a reunion? thought Sungjoo.
And a girlfriend? It felt better knowing that he was hetrosexual, because I still had a chance, but now? I-
Sungjoo was cut out of his train of thoughts as the door to the room was opened, and in case, he had turned his attention from the wall to the people whom were filling up the dorm.
I need to call Yixuan myself, thought Sungjoo, and ask him if it's true or not.
Then the lights were off.
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He finished his dinner early and raced to the dorm, a visible sign to the others that he wanted to be alone, and as Sungjoo settled himself down on his bed, his mind prickled. The window was shut, since it was dark, and the only lighting was his phone that sat lit on the palm of his hand. Sungjoo sent a message through the WeChat page, and soon enough, Yixuan replied, indicating he was free and awake.

Xuan-ge, can we talk?

Sure, Sungjoo?
You don't normally start sentences like that

He does notice.
Sungjoo cursed silently to himself, and before his mind could get ahead on him, he carefully chose his words that he typed, gently scribbling the Chinese characters into the keyboard. 你知道我没有写像那? Sending the message after some thought, he let his mind wander about.

Ding.

我知道。
Three, simple words, yet affective enough that Sungjoo stared at the screen for a long, withering one minute.
Yixuan knew the situation, he knew that Sungjoo was only available over phone as of yet, and that in the current moment, they would have to speak in a mixture of Korean, Mandarin, voice messages, and text, just in case some public eye was listening/reading in.
"Are you really dating that girl?"

Sungjoo recorded the message, well noticing how harsh he sounded, but neverless let the button release as it scolded a send. Yixuan replied immediately, with a writing yet mumbled sentence that concluded the five built up words:
我不可以说。
Sungjoo's eyes were filling up, the tiniest pieces tearing, and he knew what does five words meant. 'I know the answer, but I'll have to meet up to tell you'.
And it pained. Because Yixuan trusted him, but didn't trust him enough. I can't say.
Then a voice message came in.

"Sungjoo-ah," said the voice, a fully concerned voice that could only be produced by Zhou Yixuan himself, "you sounded so... sad, yet angry. Are you okay? Does this... bother you that much?"
And, in all absolute timing of Sungjoo's tears trembling down, and for his voice to croak as he muffled his cries into the pillow, an incoming video call emerged on his screen. He couldn't decline it. He couldn't accept it.
But declining it made everything worse. So he accepted the call.
The same way how it nearly made him feel like he accepted his fate.
"Sungjoo-ah- let me see you right now," said Yixuan, his face out of view with Sungjoo having the phone face the ceiling of his bunk, and not anywhere near Sungjoo's face – the target said facing the phone from the other end of the mattress. And his eyes had tears, red, and full of sadness.

"Sungjoo, I swear if I can't see you on the screen soon, I'll-"
"Xuan-ge," cut-in Sungjoo, repenting the decision right after, hearing his discomfort and strange emotions strangling his voice.
"Sungjoo, are you sick?" sternly monitored Yixuan, who attempted to turn his screen as if Sungjoo was next to him and was being viewed by a camera.
"I am, ge, but I'm not sick that way," said Sungjoo, who finally picked up his phone, and contemplated between switching the call off, or keeping it on.
"Show your face."
"No."

"Sungjoo-"
"I'm sick because of you," said the younger, tired, scared, and only breathing softly – as if the smaller he breathed, the more oxygen he could get.
Yixuan stopped the pestering after that, and by feel, he could tell that Sungjoo was as well feeling guilty, and he toned his voice down to the softer, calmer tone.
"Sungjoo-ah, you know how much I care about you. How much I love you-"
"But you don't love me the way I love you, do you?" said Sungjoo. He did it. He admitted it. But why did he feel like he did something wrong? Right, Yixuan already had a girlfriend. He was too late. "And I guess you don't."
"What way do you love me?" asked Yixuan.
"The way lovers do," said Sungjoo.
"Then I do love you the same way you do."

For some reason, even if the words were supposed to be positive, it broke Sungjoo's heart even more.
Then I do love you the same way you do.
He didn't, did he?
"I'm... switching out, goodnight," said Sungjoo, on his way to press the red button on his screen. But Yixuan stopped him somehow.

"Stop."
Stop.
"Sungjoo, you just told me you have romantic feelings for me, and now you're turning away?"
"I'm not, I'm just leaving it stale before you finally reject me-"
"Why would I reject you?" said Yixuan. "I just... said yes to you."
"But don't you have a girlfriend?"
"Can't we sort this out?" said Yixuan, who's voice became even more delicate as he spoke. Sungjoo, feeling that his ge was genuine, lifted the phone to show his face, and to be met back with Yixuan's – stained like rain to glass.

"Ge-"
"You cried, didn't you?" asked Yixuan. "I knew it."
"You did too-"
"Because you also made me cry. Are we even now?"
Then the pair continued their conversation, and eventually, sorted their relationship status out.

Friends with romantic feelings whom are going to act upon it.

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