𝒕𝒐 𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒓 || m. may & p. coulson

Reflection

Eight times Melinda May said 'Let the girl go' to someone. Warning : mentions of suicide and suicide attempt. A character study. Set in all seasons. Philinda, May&Daisy, May&The Team relationship.

A/N : This story is an eight part Melinda May character study I wanted to write for a long time and worked on it very hard. It's super sad and depressing, so either go get some tissues or leave and come back later if you're not up to an emotional breakdown now, lmao. This story is my baby, it's not perfect but I couldn't be more proud of it, so I really hope you'll like it. English is not my main language, so I'm sorry for mistakes (please, remember that we're all human and that we write here for fun). I'll be grateful for your every comment. Enjoy!

Title is from Disney's Mulan song 'Reflection'.

WARNING : mentions of suicide and visual suicide attempt.

DISCLAIMER : Not mine, everything belongs to MCU.

*

One.

You have to let the girl go, Melinda. Let the girl go.

Looking at herself in the mirror, Melinda wonders what happened to the girl whose heart was full of love, soul full of kindness and mind full of dreams. Where was the girl who wanted to fly, soar so high to see the whole world from above? Who took the girl who was born to protect the ones in need?

She did it.

She took the girl away and broke her. She forced the girl to put the mask on and hide behind it from the world, to deceive people and herself, to play a part in the show that life was, a life that no longer belonged to her.

That's what she sees in the mirror. The mask she put on the girl's face and made it a part of her. Her reflection isn't going to show who she really is inside anymore. Because nothing but the Cavalry is left there, there's nobody, nothing to pull out and put back together.

If she can't be the hero, then who's suppoused to save her?

By pulling the trigger, Melinda killed two girls. Both as innocent as guilty. Both as good as bad. Both just wanting to live.

Her father had taught her that with hard work and perseverance, she can achieve anything, fly high up to the stars. Her mother had taught her that every action has its consequences, and that the higher she rose, the more painful it would be to fall.

She didn't understand then. And she didn't know that one day she would fall so hard she would never get up again. She didn't know that the fall could kill her.

She did this to herself. She's the only villain in this story.

Let the girl go, Melinda.

Melinda feels absolutely nothing, opening the medicine bottles and pouring them onto her hand. She feels nothing, hearing Phil and Andrew trying to open the door she locked from inside, hearing her husband and best friend screaming and begging her to get out, not to do anything stupid. She feels nothing, throwing a handful of sleeping pills and painkillers into her mouth and washing them down with water from the sink. She feels nothing as she glances in the mirror one last time, to make sure there is nothing left to fight for. She doesn't feel anything, sitting down on the cold floor and waiting, waiting to finally stop feeling for real and let the girl go.

She can't do it differently. The only way to let go of the girl is to let go of herself.

Let...

The only way. The only right one.

...the girl...

''That's what I'm doing, Phil. I'm letting her-''