𝒕𝒐 𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒓 || m. may & p. coulson

Cursed

A/N : "She hated that she couldn't be with Daisy and support her, standing by her side. That she couldn't be a mother for her child. She hated herself for not being able to really hate anymore."

So, I guess that publishing a new short story just before the premiere of the new episode is becoming my habit, hahah. I just can't help it, I'm loving s7 so much this far but I also miss May's relationships with Daisy and the other members of the team. I have so many ideas and I just need to write them down and share them with you guys. English is not my main language, so I'm sorry for mistakes (please, remember that we're all human and we write here for fun). Enjoy the story, I really hope you'll like it. Let me know what you think about in the comments, feedback is always appreaciated! 

DISCLAIMER : Not mine. Everything belongs to MCU.

''Hey, May," Elena said softly, approaching the older agent. She bit her lower lip for a moment, hesitating, and then gently sat down next to her, leaving one empty seat between them. ''Are you okay?" she asked.

Melinda looked slowly at the woman with empty eyes. Was she okay, after being stabbed with a sword by an alien? Was she okay after being brought back to life in which she could feel nothing but the feelings of other people? Was she okay, after learning of the next version of the man who died and who she loved for half of her life, and then seeing it getting destroyed again? Was she okay, when the closest person to a daughter she'll ever have was hurt and she couldn't be with her when she needed it most?

Was she okay?

''I don't know," she answered quietly, moving her gaze back at the wall in front of her.

She was tired. Tired of the feelings that weren't hers but she was forced to feel and the ones she wasn't able to feel anymore. Coulson said she was getting her emotions back, but he couldn't be sure of that. He didn't know her and didn't know how and what she was suppoused to feel. He died and no robot, no matter how advanced, could replace him. He didn't ask for it, it was true, but she didn't want it either. She didn't want him to die. She didn't want to die herself. She didn't want all these bad things to happen to them but they happened anyway, because life wasn't a fairy tale. And it wasn't her fault that they both died, that he got replaced by yet another version of himself, and that she lost another part of herself, though she didn't think it was possible. None of them signed up for this, he had no right to put the blame on her. He was a robot, he wasn't real and he didn't really have any rights. He was there only to help them in the mission, nothing more. A machine was just a machine, it didn't make sense to attach to it and lie to themselfs. She did it once, and it didn't work out well for any of them.

And she was right, he was gone again. No matter what they'd do, he was always dying and leaving her alone, each time taking a part of her heart with him. She had mourned him so many times that she wasn't sure if there was even one part left to take. They got stuck in the unbreakable loop and she had no illusions that sooner or later he would come back once more, only to leave again. And she would die with him every time, because they knew each other too long, went together through too much for her to live and function without him. There was no Melinda May without Phil Coulson, and nothing could change that. They belonged to each other, creating a whole and complementing each other perfectly in every possible way. When one of them was leaving, the other was following close behind.

Wanting or not, feeling things or not, she was only a wreck of a human now. She was supposed to protect them, but there really was no use of her. She couldn't keep them safe. And now, when her daughter was lying unconscious in the healing pod, she couldn't even be with her, because as soon as she saw her, she instinctively reached out to touch her and when she did, she couldn't bear Daisy's overwhelming emotions, because being touched by so many people that day was taking its toll on her and she was just too weak. She was cursed, and it wouldn't bother her so much if it was only her, but her friends and family were suffering because of her. She deserved the pain, they didn't.