Double Life

Chapter 8

Homecoming was right around the corner. You had made plans to go to the game to support Clyde (and Stan, since he was your friend now too). You hadn't plan on going to the dance though, that was until...
"Hey," Clyde smiled as he hugged you from behind while you were at your locker. You were honestly used to it by now.
"Hey," you mumble. Clyde let you go and leaned against the locker next to yours.
"So I know you plan on going to the Homecoming game, but are you going to the dance?" Clyde asked.
"Ew no, why would I?" You ask.
"Because I want you to go to the dance," Clyde admits.
"Why?" You ask.
"Because I think it would be fun," Clyde said.
"I... I'm not really a dance person," you say.
"Come on please! It'll be fun!!" Clyde begged.
"Fine," you sighed.
"Yes! Thank you!" Clyde exclaimed happily.
"You're welcome," you mumble.
---
You hugged yourself it was colder then you thought. You sat in the bleachers with Lilith, Craig, Tricia, Tweek, Token, Kyle, Ike, Cartman, Kenny, Butters, and Karen.
"I'm going to grab hot chocolate do you want any Lilith?" You ask.
"Let me just come with you," she smiles.
"Alright," you nod. You and Lilith made your way down the bleachers.
"Another touch down from number seven, Clyde Donovan!"
You looked out onto the field to see Clyde getting pats on the back and good jobs.
Clyde seemed to notice you starring. He smiled and waved to you. Your heart fluttered as you waved back slightly.
You got to the concession stand. Lilith got hot chocolate and chips, while you just got a hot chocolate.
You went back up into the bleachers with the others. You couldn't help but continue watching Clyde... he was just captivating.
There was ten seconds left of the game. Clyde was running down the field. Token, Kenny, Butters, and even Tweek started cheering for Clyde. You even held your breath.
"Come on Clyde, I believe in you," you whispered.
Clyde made it to the end zone just in time. You smiled and started laughing out of pure joy. He did it! He really did it!
The buzzer to the game went off and the crowd cheered.
"South Park Cows Win!" They announced.
After the crowd died down and everyone started leaving you left the bleachers and waited for Clyde by the field. Lilith, Ike and Kyle waited with you as well. While the others made there way to their cars.
Clyde and Stan approached the four of you. Kyle hugged Stan with a smile.
"You did great," Kyle smiled.
"Thanks," Stan blushed and hugged Kyle back. Clyde looked at the two of you then at you with wanting eyes. You sighed and hugged him. Clyde gasped lightly then hugged you back.
"You did good, I'm proud of you," you said.
"Really?" Clyde asked as you pulled away. You nodded. Clyde's smile brightened.
"Clyde! (Stan!)"
Two very irritated girls yelled in unison.
Clyde and Stan quickly looked over at there girlfriends with worried eyes.
"Did you forget we were going on a double date after the game?" Bebe asks. Clyde and Stan glanced at each other confused.
"They totally did!" Wendy exclaimed.
"Come on let's go," Bebe said and grabbed Clyde's wrist dragging him away. Wendy did the same thing with Stan. You and Kyle stood in a stunned silence. Jealous much. You didn't even feel that way towards Clyde, but you couldn't speak for Kyle.
"Hey are you okay?" You asked Kyle.
"Y-yeah, yeah I'm fine," Kyle said he sounded upset but you didn't want to push.
"Will you two need a ride home?" You asked.
"Oh no, I drive, we'll be fine. Thank you for offering," Kyle smiled.
"No problem," you say. "I'll see you tomorrow at the dance!"
"Oh yeah see yeah!" Kyle nodded. You and Lilith walked to your car.
"Eeeeek! You looked so happy!" She smiles.
"Did I?" You asked.
"Hell yeah! When Clyde scored the winning touch down! Your face lit up!" She exclaimed. "And you hugged Clyde on your own. I can't remember the last time you willing hugged another human that wasn't me."
"Lilith," you groaned.
"What I'm just saying," she giggled.
---
You stood in front of the mirror. You kept taking your tailcoat on and off. Lilith went over to Karen's house for a sleep over.
"Ugh, I need a dad opinion," you said and reached for your phone. You pulled up your camera took a picture with and without the tailcoat on. You then sent them to Mark.
You: Tailcoat? Or no tailcoat?
Mark: wow what are you dressing up for?
You: Homecoming
Mark: I see, I think it looks better off.
You: thanks.
Mark: no problem. I would ask for pictures but I don't think your ready yet.
You: maybe in the future.
Mark: please 😟
You smiled and set your phone down. You did your hair then headed to your car.
When you got the school, Clyde, Bebe, Token, Nicole, Tweek, and Craig were all outside. You did one last check over then stepped out of the car. You walked over to the group who all looked at you shocked.
"Is there something wrong?" You asked and looked your outfit up and down.
"No... you just look... amazing," Clyde said. His cheeks were flushed red as he looked you up and down once again. (Clyde's actually hiding his gay panic!)
"I-um- thanks," you hummed. Your cheeks turning a light red. You all headed inside. It was loud. The music blared and you could barely hear your thoughts.
"Come on let's dance!" Clyde dragged you out onto the floor.
"Clyde I can't dance," you say.
"Nonsense, you just gotta feel the music," he giggled. Clyde didn't let go of your hands as he started to dance happily. You got more of a feel and started to dance as well. "See you got it!"
You and Clyde danced together for a little bit until a slow dance song came on.
Your e/c eyes met Clyde's chocolate eyes. Your face turned deep red.
"Clyde!" Bebe gripped Clyde's wrist. Clyde let go of your hands. You felt your chest ache a little. "Its a SLOW dance. For COUPLES."
"I was getting to it!" Clyde exclaimed. Bebe rolled her eyes and dragged Clyde off. You sighed and found a lonely corner.
"Hey."
You looked over to see Kyle.
"Hey."
You watched as Clyde and Bebe danced on the floor. You wanted it to be you... why? You didn't even like Clyde like that. You sighed and looked down on the floor. Kyle groaned and looked at you.
"I don't want to be the loser sitting in the corner watching everyone else so can I take this dance?" He asked as he let out his hand. You felt taken aback but he had a point.
"You know what? Fuck it," you shrug and took his hand.
You and Kyle got into position and started swaying back and forth. It was calming... to be held by someone else. It's been a while since it's happened... maybe a few years. You forgot how nice it felt. You closed your eyes and yourself drift off.
~~~
"Mommy...! I... I don't understand why daddy's so mean," you cried. Your mother held you gently.
"Your father is a very difficult man," your mother sighed.
"Do you really think I'm a disappointment?" You ask.
"I... Y/n I don't want to talk about that," she avoided the question. Your heart sank. You wanted a normal life... normal friends... normal family. You were starting to fall asleep again. Your mom stood up and brought you to your bed.
"Goodnight mom," you whispered. Your mom didn't say anything. You watched her walk out of the room.
Unfortunately a few minutes later you woke up from a nightmare just like you had before. You got out of bed and started to walk to your mom's room again.
"Yeah Linda, I despise him. He's the reason F/n isn't happy anymore.... little brat keeps having nightmares... comes to me mommy why is daddy so mean? Do you really think I'm the disappointment child?... no I didn't tell him that he was the disappointment child!...How's Lilith? She's an angel! I love her! She's growing up so well! F/n actually likes her too!" Your mom said.
You had to suppress a sob as you ran back to your room. You stuffed your face in your pillow and cried. Your parents didn't love you... you hadn't done anything and they already deemed you unworthy.
~~~
Your eyes snapped open and you pulled away from Kyle. He looked startled.
"Are you okay?" Kyle asks. You looked at him and didn't say anything. You walked out of the gymnasium and into the hall. Your heart was racing. You leaned against the lockers and took a deep breath. You let yourself sink to the floor. Why would you be doing this to yourself? Letting yourself open up. They'll hurt you, just like they did. If your parents don't even love you how were others supposed to? How were you supposed to love yourself? You should of never gotten involved with Clyde, or his friends, you should of never stayed at his house, you should of never went to Homecoming, you should of never came to this dance.
"Y/n!"
Your heart stopped as you hugged yourself even tighter.
"Y/n, what happened? Are you okay?" Clyde asks. Clyde sat to your left.
"Go away," you say.
"No, I'm not leaving," Clyde says.
"Please go away, I need to be alone," you say.
"Just like any other time?" Clyde asked. You looked up at him. "Lilith... told me you get scared then push people away."
You now looked away. "I'm not going anywhere though. You let me into your life now its gonna take a hell of a lot to get me out!"
You groaned and fell on your right side.
"What do I have to do to get you to leave it?" You ask.
"Why would I tell you that?" Clyde giggled. He laid down on the floor in front of you. You narrowed your eyes at him.
"Because you want what's best for me," you say. Clyde laughed again.
"Me staying is what's best. You might not see it now, but maybe soon," he smiled. He gently grabbed the side of your face. You tensed up and gently grabbed his hand. "I care a lot about you Y/n..."
He awkwardly floor hugged you.
"I don't understand why," you sighed.
"Because your worth it," Clyde said. Clyde let go of you and you both sat up. "So do you want to tell me what happened?"
"Kyle and I were dancing... it reminded me of how my mom... used to hold me. Before I realized how she actually felt about me...," you sighed.
"How she actually felt about you?" Clyde echoed.
"Its not something I want to get into," you reply," not right now."
"Understood," Clyde nodded," you ready to go back in?"
Clyde stood up and let his hand out to you.
"Yeah," you nod and took it.
You headed back into the gym. You should probably apologize to Kyle. You approached the red head. He looked nervous.
"I'm sorry about earlier, it definitely wasn't you. It was me," you said.
"No it's okay. I just got worried is all," Kyle smiled softly. You hummed and nodded softly.
Pictures! You needed pictures for Mark in the future! You pulled out your phone and looked at Clyde.
"Wanna take a few pictures?" You ask.
"Hell yeah!" Clyde smiled.
You took pictures with Clyde and even some of your other friends as well.
"Clyde I'm leaving."
You and Clyde both looked to see Bebe.
"What why baby? I thought you were having fun!" Clyde said.
"I just... I don't know... I feel like your too distracted," she says glances at you then back at Clyde.
"No! No! Baby! You have my full attention now," Clyde said.
"Fine, I'll stay," Bebe said.
"We'll talk later kay?" Clyde asked you.
"Yeah talk to you later," you nodded. Bebe dragged Clyde off.
"Friend zoned," Craig sighed as he set an elbow on your shoulder.
"What the hell are you talking about?" You asked. "I don't like Clyde in that way."
"Bebe sure thinks ya do," Craig replied.
"Then she's jealous for no reason," you reply and watched the two.
"Is she?" Craig asks.
"Yes! I've never been intimate with anyone, nor do I plan to be. I don't even know if I'm gay, bi or straight!" You said.
"Clyde's bi," Craig says.
"He is?" You ask.
"Yeah, he had a sexual awakening a few years back,"Craig shrugged.
"I... see," you sigh.
Buzz!
You pulled out your phone to see a text from Mark.
"Mark?" Craig asks. You froze he was looking over your shoulder.
"Its my uncle," you quickly lied. You pulled out your phone and read the text.
Mark: Text me when you get home, wanna make sure you get home safely.
You: Will do I promise.
You put your phone back in your pocket.
"Seems more like a dad," Craig commented.
"He can be," you agreed. You and Craig continued talking and Tweek and Token eventually joined you.
After the dance Clyde looked exhausted. You all stood outside.
"I want to go home," Clyde groaned.
"Do you need a ride?" You asked Clyde.
"Yeah Bebe was supposed to give me one... but then she told her dad about how I upset her during the dance now I'm stranded," Clyde said dramatically.
"I can give you a ride home, anyone else need one?" You asked and spun your keys around your finger.
Everyone shook there head no or shook there head.
You and Clyde said goodbye then headed to your car.
Since Clyde didn't seem much for conversation you started to play music.
Lovely by Billie Ellish started playing.
"Thought I found a way... thought I found a way out...but never go away, so I guess I gotta stay now. Oh I hope someday I'll make it out of...," you softly sang along. Clyde looked at you in wonder.
"What?" You asked nervously.
"Your voice is amazing, deep and still kind of monotone, but amazing!" Clyde said.
"Oh...uh thanks," you smiled.
"Why do you talk in a low monotone voice? That can't be your real voice can it?" Clyde asks.
"Its not... but... if people can't hear you or don't understand you then they wont want to hold a conversation," you shrug.
"I see so it's to avoid social interaction," Clyde nodded.
"Basically."
You got to Clyde's house.
"See you on Monday," Clyde said as he stepped out of the car.
"Yeah," you hum.
When you got home you pulled out your phone and texted Mark.
You: I made it home okay!
Mark: Good, did you have fun?
You: Mostly yeah. Got plenty of pictures.
Mark: well that's good, did you have a date or did you go with friends?
You: Went with friends.
Mark: ah well that's good, I'll let you go so that you can get some rest your probably tired
You: Alright, goodnight Mark
Mark: goodnight Y/n