The Scandal (Thomas Brodie Sangster)

Note to Self

"Goodbye now one and unwelcome to this Good content" Y/n smiled from the sofa

"What are you doing?" Thomas asked

"Its not Opposite day... you Very attractive mouse like creature"

"what are you trying to say?"

"I wanted to call you an ugly rat But I don't know what the opposite of a rat is" 

"I worry about you. when I'm not around"

"I'm not dumb!"

"Yeah, sure your not"

"God damn it Thomas be nice or get out of my house!"

"You just called me a rat!"

"You look like a rat"

"Why do I look like a rat?"

"The thing your growing on your face"

"Will you get over it? I have a reason to keep it right now so I can't get rid of it. for work" He says 

"I know. and I hate it so very much. The second your allowed to shave again I am going to wax that off your face" 

"Is there a point to this video? Or is this just lets be mean to Thomas episode six?"

"Ohh Thomas, Please" she says "Every video is lets be mean to Thomas, My Carrer is built on being mean to you" 

"What are we doing y/n?" He asks

"We are going though what the other googles and writes down on our phones and note book when its late at night" she smiled

"we are?" he asks a little panicked

"Yes we are Thomas"

"Ooohh... so what I write and look up on my phone at like two am when I can't sleep?"

"Yes"

"......... But its not safe for work?" He whispered

"we'll skip the porn Thomas" she whispered back

"It's not the porn I'm worried about" 

"what else do you look up at three am?"

"That's between me and Steve" 

"Wh- Who's Steve Thomas?"

"My phone" He says 

"wait... so when you first set up your phone it asks you to name it right?"
"Yeah"

"and you took that as not to call it I don't know, Thomas' phone, TBS personal or anything like that you thought they actually meant give it a name?" 

"Yes I did, His name is Steve. and he helps me work out maths, and also shop for things I don't need" 

"Like that Egg timer you have in your kitchen"

"My egg timer is awesome I don't know what your taking about"

"Thomas. You are a man in your thirties. You do not need an egg timer that looks like the death star"

"... Yes I do"

"God damn it Thomas!" she sighed "I swear to god your five."

"People have been informing me I look five for many years" 

"Yes but you also act it." 

"If I'm five I have a lot of weapons in my house... also all the porn"

"well done Thomas. Just tell the world you have porn"

"Ohh no... Sally darling. Cut that please" 

"Gimme Steve," she says stealing his phone so she handed him hers 

"Can I talk about how your background is just you with your bunnies?" 

"You may, but then I may discuss how yours is just a picture of a cool beach you found." she laughs "Fun fact Thomas sends me very random WhatsApp messages, usualy pictures of just... stuff" 

"Its normally landscapes when I'm working"
"and hotel rooms, But to be fair I like seeing them"

"You just send me pictures of cute dogs?"

"I do, If I see a cute dog on the streets I usual ask if I can pet them and if I can then I pet them and send Thomas a pic of the cute dog I found"

"I'm always a little worried of someone questioning us about that. Like why do you have like sixty strangers dog's photographed on your phone?" He laughs "Because I don't have an answer that sounds not weird" 

"Thomas? why did you just send jack a picture of toast?"

"He asked what I as doing and at the time I was eating toast"

"So you just send him a picture with the caption. Toast"

"You send me random porn gif's sometimes... just like at five am I'll get like a gif of like I don't know a girl riding some dude reverse cowgirl, with just like no context not even a hello first" 

"Do you then used them to jerk off?"

".... None of your business" he answered "It's a little ... like when in bed with your girlfriend"

"Just, Ohh what's that honey, Ohh yeah just my friend sending me a gif of hardcore porn" 

"exactly, like its fine please don't question it. also please don't get mad" 

"Wasn't I like the main reason you and your ex broke up?"

"It wasn't the main reason, but... it contributed yes" 

"she didn't like me"

"No she hated you"

"She asked you to move in with her didn't she?"

"She did, but we hadn't been dating that long and I found out later the only reason she wanted me to move in with her was so I would move away from you" 

"she was a bitch"

"she was... terrible boobs also"

"What makes a bad boob Thomas?"

"not fun to play with. at least from a man perspective. Also... she had a daughter so they uhh yeah"

"anyway! you google a lot of like urban dictionary?"

"I do, Because my friend's say things in text that... I don't understand. and I have to look up"

"You are so old"

"I am" He sighs "You mostly google like map stuff. Like food..." he laughs "You must be the only person I know who sorts the food to nearest to me Ooohh I didn't know there was a Chinese that close to our house?" 

"Yes, its like behind us and around a corner"

"Oooohh can we get chinese food?"

"Yes we can"

"woo!"

"what is self note?" she asked

"Its where you can record yourself like a mini voice recording of a note for yourself and you can make it remind you later" He explained 

"Ooohh, You have alot of random notes"

"I do, mostly for things like go get shopping or do luandry"

"what's this one from... two am last week?" she asks 

"Ohh don't-" He began but she had already clicked it 

"Note to self... google if that thing is real... where you can get a couple of ribs removed... so you can suck your own di-" The phone said in clearly thomas' voice before y/n stopped it 

"Thomas?" she asks

"Don't ever take my phone again" He warns stealing it from her and running off somewhere else in her house 

"why did you need to look that up?" she laughs getting up to follow him 

"Well you're not gonna do it" he answers from elsewhere 

"You are such a baby" she laughs "I'll do it, you just have to tell me when you want it"