Chapter 4 ♕

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"I hate meeting new people," I grumble under my breath, dragging myself behind my friends with every ounce of energy I can gather. "It's exhausting."

My nose is frozen from the cold air outside, my ears feeling as if they are going to fall off any minute now. And it's only September. The second week of September. If somebody told me yesterday it would be this freezing the following day, I wouldn't have believed them, not even for a single second. It was so hot that I wondered if I would get a heat stroke from standing in the sun for too long. Yet here I am now, wrapped in a big jacket,with mittens protecting my fingers, as I'm walking to the school yard in no hurry. The mountain type of weather just turned out to be my biggest enemy around here.

"No, it's not." Laurens shakes his head, his hands stuffed in the pockets of his pants. "You are only tired because we've spent the whole night watching The Bold type. And you watched Criminal minds on your own, for two hours before I came over."

Charlotte hums in agreement, her gaze fixed on a big, wooden bench underneath an enermous oak tree. She's searching for a place where we can eat without getting interupted by other students, and where we can actually sit without getting hit by all kinds of different balls, or any other sports equipment. The last time we had lunch I got a nasty bruise on my leg, a mark left by one of my classmates who plays football, and who just happened to be strolling by our seats with a football in his hand.

So far, every bench has been occupied, hence we've been walking for the past ten minutes, which isn't really helping my aching limb.

"Okay, fine," I admit, wrapping my arms around myself more tightly in a poor attempt to feel a little warmth spreading through my body. "Maybe I am obsessed, but so are you, and don't you even dare deny it."

"That's true," Charlotte confirms my statement, half distracted and half present in our conversation. "You watched the Notebook before you left your dorm room."

Busted, I think to myself with a smug look on my face. The first step in recovery is admitting you have a problem. As far as I know, I am pretty self aware, therefore I'm not ashamed to say I do watch shows and movies in order to cope with the boring, every day reality. I do fall in love with fictional characters that are not real, and for a whole month I've tried shifting realities in order to be able to do that. In fact, I'm not ashamed to admit that I have a Spencer Reid cut-out in my childhood bedroom, hidden somewhere in my messy closet.

Laurie, on the other hand, denies that he can watch his favorite rom-coms for days, with only bathroom breaks and food. But, hey, even though we technically are Netflix addicts, at least we are addicted to it together.

Laurens sighs, drawing his gloved hand through his golden locks. "I'm not the one complaining about my lack of sleep though, babe. It's Cherries over here that's grumpy."

"I'm not grumpy!" I protest, eyeing a big puddle which came along the way, its surface looking so perfect for jumping on it. But then again, I'm wearing brand new boots, and ruining them just because I want to reenact a Peppa pig scene would simply be childish. So, instead I walk around it, trying not to feel the disappointment sink in when the puddle stays completely untouched. "I'm just cold and hungry, and I desperately need some sugar as soon as possible."

The boy next to me shakes his head, probably because he offered me a nutella filled bagel this morning, yet I refused to eat it, instead taking a freaking greek salad. Only God knows why I would be craving it at 7 a.m. Though, I have to say the portions were ridiculously tiny, which is why I must be this hungry only two hours afterwards.

"Hey, how did you know I watched the Notebook?" he asks Lottie, his eyes squinting at her suspiciously. "Have you been spying on me?"

She snickers, adjusting her bag so it wouldn't slip off her shoulder.

"No, Laurens, as a matter of fact, I haven't. It was Nixon who heard you crying through your open window and realized what was going on." She licks her dried lips, turning to us with a triumphant smile. "As for your need for sugar, I have two snickers on me and I've just found us a great place to eat.

I breathe out in relief, wanting to hug her for ending my misery. I'm one hundred percent sure I'm going to collapse, unless I put down the heavy backpack stacked with books resting on my tortured back. And unless I get some food into my system, literally anything I can get my hands on, I won't just be fainting. The next time my parents are going to see me, will be at a small funeral with barely anybody there. My funeral.

"Actually, it wasn't you who found it." Laurens points to a pair of dark, long benches with a medium-sized, round table standing in between them. There, sitting and laughing are five people, two girls and three guys, all looking so different yet so similar. I can recognize them, and my heart drops to my heels when I realize I will actally have to talk to them.

"Oh, who cares." Charlotte waves her hand in a dismissive manner. "I was the one who organized this whole get-together lunch anyway."

Laurens stops abruptly, moving his head in order to look at her weirdly.

"Ummm... No, if I remember correctly, it was me who thought of this first."

I roll my eyes, well acquainted with where this discussions is heading. Knowing them, they would continue bickering and accusing the other one of lying, for hours to no end. And I would be the lucky gal standing next to them, meanwhile doing my best to make a peace treaty.

"Does it even matter?" I ask, stopping the nasty fight from starting and turning into a real life nightmare. "We are here now, and I really need to freaking sit down."

They both glance at me with concern, their matching expressions carrying a certain ammount of worry in them.

"Are you okay?" Charlotte asks gently, her eyebrows pulled into a slight frown. "Because we can always go to your, or my room, and skip the rest of the classes."

I wish I could, I think grimly, the idea sounding way more appealing than it should have. But as a scholarship student, skipping would mark me as a soon-to-be-expelled girl pretty quickly. I wouldn't risk getting kicked out, no matter how bad I want to stay in bed with a mug full of hot chocolate beside me.

Neverthless, I smile softly at her kind suggestion.

"No, I'm totally fine," I tell them, straightening my painful back and shaking away the intrusive thoughts. "I just haven't gotten used to the weather yet, and I'm positive my choice not to sleep last night has gotten way over my head."

If I could, and I weren't this tired, I would have already beaten the hell out of myself this morning. I mean, I've never been the most rational person, however, I at least used to think about each of my decisions thoroughly before going through with them. Now, it seems like I've lost that ability somewhere along my plane trip from home to Switzerland.

"Okay, " Laurens exclaims, grabbing my hand suddenly, but still tenderly. "It's time to meet the big guys. Don't forget, if you ever feel even slightly overwhelmed, just tap on my shoulder and we'll leave like Lottie said."

I sigh, nodding my head slowly. I guess I will have to push away my social anxiety for a little while, be as strong as I can be. Be a badass, I remind myself once again, as a picture of the mantra written on my pastel pink phone case in tiny, black letters flashes in my mind. Be a badass, and never be afraid of other people judging you, at least before you even get to meet them.

"Have I ever told you how much I hate meeting new people?"

The corners of Charlotte's mouth quirk up, amuzement dancing across her face. "Only about a thousand times."

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⏰ Last updated: Jul 29, 2021 ⏰

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