Finding the memories 『𝙱𝚞𝚌𝚔𝚢 𝙱𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚎𝚜』

Chapter Four

You knocked on Steve’s door loudly. “Y/n?” he asked, you were stood outside his door, wearing a short red dress, smudged make-up from crying, hair messed up from the wind and one shoe in your hand. “Are you okay?”

“I saw Bucky,” you said quietly, “Right in front of me, he was there Steve, he’s here,” a tiny glimpse of hope shone brightly through all the pain in your eyes. 

“You’re drunk,” he said, opening his door wider and let you sit down at his desk chair. You took in all the drawings, photos and the little things he kept lying around, and the compass that never left his hand. His room was surprisingly neat, well it was Steve after all. You took a shaky breath. “Y/n…”

“No Steve,” you said, running your hands through your hair but only making it worse, “I saw him, It was him,” his eyes took in your awful state, you weren’t surprised he thought you were drunk, but you had definitely seen him, “He knew me I think, but he also didn’t,” the pain of remembering hurt you. Bucky not recognising you, while your heart broke. Him walking away from you. The thought that he might never come back disappearing, and instead the thought that he was coming back replacing it. Which hurt more. 

“Y/n,” said Steve softly, “Bucky’s not just gonna be in New York,” you could understand why he thought that. But it was Bucky. His friend. He shouldn’t just lose hope that easily. “We would know if he was here Y/n,”

A tear slipped down your cheek, he didn’t believe you, “Steve it was him” you said, your voice changing from sadness to anger, “I know it was him,” you could recognise Bucky anywhere. He was the person you wanted to wake up to for the rest of your life. You were supposed to marry him. You have a child with him. “Steve you have to believe me, it was Bucky.” 

“You need to sleep,” said Steve, “You’ll think clearer in the morning,” 

“I saw him Steve,” he was starting to annoy you, why wouldn’t he believe you? This was his best friend, surely he should be jumping at the opportunity to get him back, “He spoke to me, and he walked away from me, and left me crying in the middle of the street,” your eyes began to form with tears as you spoke, “I’m not drunk Steve, I swear on my life I saw him,”

“We would know if he’s in New York,” said Steve quietly. 

“Don’t you care,” you snapped, standing up from the chair, shaking slightly, “He’s right here,” you had the opportunity to go and find him, make sure he’s okay. But then it hit you, maybe Steve believed you but it would change everything. Bucky had forgotten everything but you still remembered. He didn’t know about George, he didn’t know he proposed to you, or that he dated you. But a part of you knew he recognised you. It just wasn’t the same Bucky as before. 

“Y/n,” said Steve, “I’m sorry,” he had seen the realisation as it hit you, watching your face fall, the light in your eyes that was once filled with hope, empty. “Please just sleep and let’s just work this out okay, I just think you’re not in the right frame of mind right now, I’m sorry,” 

You nodded before standing up slowly, “I’m gonna go to bed,” you said quietly, “Goodnight Steve,” you whispered, as you left his room, crying. You closed his door behind you and opened the door to George’s room. He was curled up asleep on his bed. You kissed the top of his head before heading into your room. 

Pulling on a hoodie you went to the back stairs and climbed up to the roof. You sat by the edge, watching the peacefulness that surrounded the compound. Your mind wandered to Bucky, knowing he was out there and away from HYDRA filled you with relief but you tensed up at the thought of what would happen. If Steve and the team found him you would be filled with happiness, just to have him back to you, but nothing would be the same. Where would you even start? How would you introduce yourself, his ex fiancee and the mother of his child? 

“Steve seems worried about you,” said your dad’s voice from behind you, “Is everything okay?” 

Tears streamed down your face as you pulled your eyes from the city and turned to stare at your dad. His eyes were filled with concern and pain, the smile he usually wore was gone. You couldn’t manage to string together any words. Tears stained your cheeks as they kept falling and you watched your dad’s eyes fill with pain as he watched his daughter’s heart break and he couldn’t do anything. You sat up from the edge of the roof and shakily steadied yourself. A tear made his way down his face as he watched you try to steady your breathing. You slowly walked over to him and threw your arms around him, “Dad I don’t know what to do,” you said, shakily, “I’m so scared,” 

“I know,” he said, “I’m so sorry,” he let you stay in his embrace, as your tears fell. You pulled yourself from him and wiped the tears from your cheek. Your eyes were stained red from crying and the tears had left stains on your cheeks. 

“What do I do?” you asked, the vulnerability that had control over you shining through. It had been so long since you’d asked someone for help, let anyone see you cry and shake uncontrollably from the pain you had to suffer with, let anyone know how bad you were hurting really. You had let down your guard, everything you built up to try and push away the pain had come crashing down as soon as Bucky’s beautiful blue eyes had locked onto yours. 

Your dad was silent and you watched as he flicked his eyes around. You’d been up here every night, no one could hear you cry and it relaxed your thoughts. He looked back at you, “I can’t make your decisions for you Y/n,” he said quietly, “But I’ll be there for you whatever you decide to do, and I swear by that,” 

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You sat on the edge of the sofa. The team’s eyes on you, shaking uncontrollably and trying not to cry. They wanted to know everything, but if you thought about it you started to cry, but you had to find him. You were still unsure of what you were going to do when you found him, but you knew you needed to see him. Noticing Steve and Tony in a whispered argument, you looked over to Nat, who smiled supportively. 

“I can’t remember where,” you said quietly, almost a whisper, “I’d been walking for a while, slightly drunk and trying to clear my head,” everyone was silent, watching you, a tear crept down your face, “This man came round the corner and I started to panic,” you noticed Tony stiffen, “He came close to me, his hands balled into fists and I thought he was going to hurt me so I cried out that I would do anything and just not to hurt me,” your hand shaked as more tears started to stain your cheeks, “He said he was sorry, he didn’t want to hurt me, and asked if there was a hotel,”

“How did you know it was Bucky?” Steve interrupted, you snapped out of the memory you were reliving again, taking in the eyes trained on you, filled with pain for you. 

“I said I didn’t know the neighbourhood,” you said shakily, “He went to walk away but something stopped him, I asked if he was okay and…” you trailed off. Nat moved over to you and wrapped her arm around you. Trying to keep the tears away, not wanting them to see you this broken, you steadied your breathing and continued, “His beautiful blue eyes stared right back at me, I would’ve recognised those eyes from anywhere,” 

“Did he know you?” said Steve gently, you knew he didn’t want to hurt you but his words hurt all the same. 

“No,” you said, taking in a deep breath as a tear slipped down your face, and another followed, “I said his name and he didn’t know it, and I started to cry when I realised he didn’t remember me, I don’t know why,” more tears streamed down your face, “Then he walked away and I let him,” 

You shook Nat’s arm from around your shoulders and left the room. After closing the bedroom door you curled up under your duvet and cried, worse than you had the past year, and you did nothing to stop the memories that came flooding back to you, making everything worse. Bucky was here, but he wasn’t here. Not like before. Would he even love you like he did before? Or would he move on?

Author's Note ❤️ : I honestly don’t know whether this chapter made your emotions better or worse but yeah :) I watched The Bronze twice in two days instead of doing school work so I don’t think that’s good. Anyway 💞