The Child's Keeper: A Mandalorian FanFiction

Between Seasons, Episode 6, Part 1: In Dreams

By the time they had arrived back at the Razor Crest, the sun had sunk below the horizon and it was dark. The child had easily fallen asleep on the walk back, and Lys had placed him up in his pram in the cockpit. She could hear Din down in the cargo bay beneath her, rummaging through his things. She sighed and left, leaving behind the pram and the child to sleep in peace.

As soon as Lys descended from the cockpit, she stumbled to the benches in exhaustion, right past where Din stood, looking in a cargo container. She took a seat, slumping down on the bench, her back resting against the cool metal of the ship, and she closed her eyes.

Exhaustion finally flowed over her, and everything from the day came back. Her mind was buzzing, thoughts full of questions and worries. It was unbearable. She listened as Din took a seat quietly beside her, only the sound of their breathing audible in the ship. She sat there, eyes closed for a moment. She felt tears welling up in her eyes, so she opened her eyes and wiped them away desperately. It felt wrong to be crying at a time like this.

They had gotten the information they needed for the child. Her father was alive. She should have been happy. But she wasn't. She was wholeheartedly angry and upset that she wanted to scream, but she didn't. She couldn't.

"Sorry," she finally choked out.

Before she could stop herself, Lys realized that that one word had sent her over the edge. She pulled her knees to her chest and gulped down air as the tears kept falling down her face. She had been so strong all day, and now everything hurt. Lys felt guilty for not returning to Weik sooner.

"It hurts," she said, trying to breathe through the tears that wouldn't stop falling down her face. "I was gone for too long, and now I'm coming back only to watch him die," she shook her head. "I don't want to feel this pain. I- I can't."

Din was utterly silent, unsure of what to say. For years, he had not had to deal with emotions like these. Or if he did, he simply trained himself into a frenzy until he was numb.

"And Corinthia-" Lys felt anger bubbling up. "I just want to-" she squeezed her hands into fists, scratching her legs. "I want to kill her."

"Lys-" Din felt the same, but he knew deep down that these were foolish and dangerous thoughts.

Lys jerked her head up in anger as she felt his warning tone, "Am I wrong? Killing her would be kinder than showing her the ways that she made me suffer. Should I rather cut out her tongue? Make her a hideous cripple, skin damaged and littered with scars and burns? Should I take her children from her? Should I-"

"Lys."

"No, I hate her, Din. I hate her. No matter how good I am at pretending that I'm fine, I hate her," she stared at the wall opposite of them.

"I know."

"I want her to hate herself as I hate who I've become," Lys said quietly. As soon as those thoughts were spoken into the air, Lys snapped her head up, meeting Din's gaze under his helmet. She knew that what she had said was wrong.

"Is that what you think of yourself?" Din asked.

"No, I-" Lys didn't know what to say. She had spoken her internal battle out into the world, and now she would have to live with the consequences.

"You deserve more than what you've had handed to you," Din spoke in return. He remembered the scars he had seen across her back long ago on Arvala-7 where they had found the Child. Her skin may have healed and left memories, but deep down, he knew the scars within would be exponentially more painful.

"I don't really mean it," Lys said. "I'm just- angry. At everything-" she sighed. "But I can't be angry, because this life that has been so terrible to me, brought me to you."