Suffer or Survive

18. Conflicted

SANTANA

I sat on the couch of hotel waiting for my brother to say something. When I finally looked at him, he seemed completely unbothered. I scoffed looking at my other brothers who seemed just as confused as I was.

"I'm not asking you again Sedric"

"I can't give you answers I don't know" he shook his head "You worried about the wrong shit anyway. Our sister just—"

"I don't care!"

"That's the fucking problem! You don't care! All you care about us your fucking self! You love to talk about family and loyalty but look how the fuck you act! I can't even be mad at Jewel. She's fucking right! I'm not finna sit her and baby sit your fucking feelings! You supposed to be the big brother! We supposed to look up to you! But I don't even want to be near you!" He stood up "Feel how you want! Cut me off! I'm not being a disappointment to the man that raise me anymore! That's all we are! All we've been! And I'm done! You didn't see her! Y'all never saw shit! But I'm not a fucking kid no more San!"

The room was silent as we stared into each other's eyes. I didn't move. I was pissed but I knew he needed to say what he felt. I sat back nodding with a shrugged.

"You not a kid. So do you bro"

"I really hope this ain't our last conversation but I can't be mad if it is" he shook his head "I love you bro. But I'm done with this shit. Until we can fix shit as a fucking family. I'm out"

Sedric walked out letting the door slam behind him. I shook my head grabbing my glass of crown. Semaj scoffed before getting up and going after him. It was nothing new for Sedric to blow up and Semaj to talk him down. I wasn't about to give into one of Sed'a tantrum, especially over Sincere. I looked over to Samir who was deep in thought.

"Speak your mine Mir" I sat back again

"Nothing" he sighed "Guess I'm just curious what ole girl meant?"

"I am too" I sighed "I don't see the big fucking issue. We suppose to be making this money doing what we do. All this extra shit" I shook my head "This why I didn't want her involved"

"San come on. You and I both saw the videos of her being carried out unconscious. Something's going on with Sincere.... I might not like her little friend.... but maybe Sed is right. Maybe it's time we talk. We grown now"

"And I'm too fucking grown to be babying a grown ass woman. Sincere being playing the victim for years. She was bad as hell. She lashed out when pops passed and never stopped. She was living reckless back then. Was fighting mama and we didn't know shit about it. I'm not finna bow to no bitch that fought my mama"

He shook his head "She was a kid though Santana..."

"Whatever"

"I'm just saying.... I don't know how to feel in all this either. I never did. I just.... I don't know this is a fucking lot. We look like the family that got everything going for ourselves but we can't even be in a room together"

Before I could respond Semaj walked back in alone. We both held confused faces as he sat back down with a huff.

"Where---"

"He's serious San" he shook his head "He went to his apartment and he's probably gone check on Sin before he go home for the night. He not coming back to talk. He said he's not flying back home. Sed is serious"

"This is unbelievable"

"San you not understanding where he's coming from"

"I fucking tried to. Everybody want to treat Sincere like a fucking victim when she's not"