Numb

who are you?

My alarm goes off loudly, causing me to jump, startling me awake. I roll over reluctantly, shutting off the alarm with a sigh. I'm losing sleep with each day that passes. But it doesn't matter, it's not like anyone cares anyways.

I roll out of bed, groaning in the process. I'm so fucking tired.

I start getting ready for school, dreading it more and more as I continue. I slip on a hoodie and some black skinny jeans, along with just some black Converse. Just your typical emo kid. Once I finished, I made my way to the living room and waited for my brother to finish getting ready. He doesn't seem to be a morning person, so he takes a long time to get ready. Once he leaves the bathroom, he goes to the kitchen to eat breakfast. I stay on the couch, continuing to go through my phone, waiting for our ride to arrive to take us to school. Even though our house is only a 15-minute walk from the school, our mother refuses to let us walk to school because its "too dangerous." Our mother is very overprotective.

Our ride honks his horn, indicating that he has arrived to pick us up for school. My brother and I scramble to get our backpacks and leave our house, making sure the door is locked of course. We get into our ride's car and I put in my headphones, trying to brace myself while we go through the 5-minute drive to school.

Once my brother and I get out of our ride's car, my brother and I enter the school, showing our school ID's to one of the staff, and part ways to go with our own friend group's. I'm a freshman in high school while my brother is a Junior. Me and him talk a lot when we are at home, but once we enter the school, we pretend we don't know each other. He's told me many times to not talk to him, so I just respect his wishes and go about my day. I walk up the stairs that were by the entrance, and walk through the hallway and see my friend, Jaiden, in front of my first period class. I smile and wave, catching her attention as she smiles and waves back. I walk up to her and we exchange hugs.

"Hey Jaiden!" I exclaim, smiling at her. She responds with a, "What's up?"

We talk for a bit and I fill her in about our other friend, Alyssa, and how her mother got married during the weekend, since Jaiden unfortunately wasn't able to go. I tell her how I met this one boy, Alex.

"And then this guy, Alex, he-" I start.

"Wait Alex??? I know him! He hangs out with our other friend Raven in the mornings!" Jaiden interrupts me. My eyes widen, and I look at her in shock.

Raven is a girl we both met in middle school. Coincidentally, we have the same name. So, if I haven't mentioned it, my name is Raven.

"Raven?? Where does she go in the mornings?" I ask Jaiden.

"She hangs out with Alex and a bunch of other people by the nurse's office. I've hung out there a few times with them. We should go so you can meet some of them!"

I start to get nervous. I'm not really a people person and have social anxiety. I look at Jaiden with a worried expression, "I don't know... you know how I am with people I don't know. You know I'm like this because of stuff at home, right?"

Jaiden puts her arm around my shoulder and starts rubbing my upper arm to comfort me, "Hey, it's okay. I'll be there with you in case you want to go early okay?"

I look at her and nod. "I guess it will be good to catch up with Raven."

With that, me and Jaiden start to head to where the nurse's office is. We have to walk quite a bit since my first class is on one end of the school, and the nurse's office is in the middle of the school. The hallways are crowded on both sides with a lot of friend groups, mainly all the preppy kids in their own little friend groups. I never really understood that clique, the "preppy kids." Those types of kids used to bully all the time in middle school, so I think that's why I dislike them quite a bit.

We see Raven with her friends, and we walk up to them.

"Hey Raven," I greet her, and she looks at me excitedly, "Hi Raven!!" She replies, giggling.

She always finds it funny that we have the same name. I smile at her bubbly personality. That's one thing that we don't really have in common. She has such a optimistic personality, without a care in the world, and she's so innocent, making you want to protect her at all costs.

And then there's me. I am a negative person. I've gone through so much in my life that I'm convinced that I'm never going to be happy. I care so much of what people think of me. I'm constantly thinking that people are judging me and that they hate me.

Jaiden and I continue to talk to Raven, and I even talk to some of her friends, and we get along well. While we are talking, I'm smiling and laughing a lot more. Am I making friends?

I look to my left and see a boy with dark blue hair. He's a bit taller than I am and skinny with pale skin. He's wearing a black leather jacket and black skinny jeans, with black Vans on his feet. When I laid eyes on him, I start to get a warm feeling in my chest. What is this feeling? I've never felt this before. Why am I getting butterflies in my stomach? He turns and we make eye contact. My heart skips a beat and I look away, my heart starting to beat rapidly and my face growing red quickly. Raven notices what had happened and gave me a smile "Are you okay?"

I look at her, "Who's that guy over there?" I ask while tilting my head to the left, gesturing to the boy I made eye contact with.

Raven looks over, "Oh that's Nathan! He's pretty chill. But don't get too close to him, he's gone through a bad past and can be pretty rude sometimes."

I take a quick glance at him again. He's talking to his circle of friends and he's laughing and smiling. He seems happy, I thought, How can this boy be rude. I sigh, looking back at the other Raven, "He seems pretty nice to me."

We were all interrupted by the bell, signaling us to head to our classes. I say goodbye to Raven and Jaiden and start to head to class when I hear Nathan say to his friends, "Alright, you guys stay safe okay?" My eyes widen and I start to hurry to class. Once entering the class, I take my seat and try my best to pay attention, but my mind keeps going back to the boy with the dark blue hair.

He seems so nice, how can someone who seems so nice have gone through a bad past and is rude to everyone? Raven's words keep repeating in my head. I keep thinking about that boy. Why does he make my heart start racing with a single glance? Why does he have such a strong effect on me? What's so mysterious about him that makes me so intrigued to want to just talk to him and devote all my time and energy to him?

Who Are You?