Desperado

a siren temptress, so dangerous

briony.

memories, hold me gently until i cry

shining silver, i'm a diamond.
hard like stone, you could take me home,
but you can't afford me.
all my baggage, all my secrets.
i could tell you why, why i brought you here,
but then you might escape and tell him.
god, i am so sorry. mother, you deserve better.
better than me, femme fatale.

though, i have no choice.
father taught me everything i know.
murder and misery, it owns me.
squeezes me in its grip,
palm over my mouth.
i try to scream, to unbuckle my body
from the seat of its disastrous
roller coaster, but i'm frozen.
glued
to
its
soul
forevermore

aureate vines climb around every foramen, through
the interstices of my heart until breaths hitch.
pulling, pulling, pulling tighter.
oh, this wasn't how i was supposed to go.
shimmering, handsome leaves illuminate within the
despondent tenebrosity.
so inviting, i fall into its puddle of exigency.
sharp pain, i shriek as the blade sinks into my flesh.
crimson red like wine, ghosts who i've sheltered
escape from my clutch.
freedom, so empty when you don't have a hand to hold.
dots of stars over my sight, color fades to black and grey.
vines slither to my neck, purple and blue breathless.

let me go oh god let me go please i will learn
i can't do this i'm sorry i didn't mean to just
let me go THIS HURTS

drop to the floor, gasp.
heart beats, fast.
oh, i'm still alive.
i'm still dancing on this tightrope.
the minacious coquette, i say
as the vines disintegrate
and the faces i've taken whisper goodbye
as the leaves wither until i'm all that's left.
a single tear, salty and seldom.

footsteps, echo, i look up

briony
that voice.
are you alright, briony?
so familiar.
i've missed you
you did?
why did you do this
do what?
you didn't have to
oh no.
you're better than this, briony
i'm sorry.

why did you kill me, jules?
regulus, please.
i ...

i awake.
he's still here
until time disappears.

memories, hold me gently . . . while i cry