Ruki's Guide to Love and Fear (A JO1/Shiroiwa Ruki Fanfic)

Chapter 16

The next morning, Ruki still felt tired even though he had slept. He had almost hoped that he would wake up to discover that this whole trip was a bad dream, and he had actually been sleeping soundly at his apartment the whole time. 

Of course, it wasn't as if nothing good had happened since his arrival in Karuizawa, he reminded himself as he washed up. After all, Karuizawa was the place where he had confessed to Momoko, and where she had kissed him, whatever that might have meant. 

Thankfully, it had stopped snowing early on the previous evening, so there had been enough time to clear the road out and reopen it. Ruki was beyond relieved that he would be going home and wouldn't have to spend another second in Karuizawa.

The drive home went by faster than he had expected, but the whole way he had been thinking about the decision he would have to make. He just couldn't believe that within a week's time, he almost certainly would no longer be a member of JO1. Now that he had lived with JO1 for more than a year, he couldn't picture himself living somewhere else or doing something else. The members were his family now—he had made room for all of them in his heart. 

I mean, how am I supposed to live without Sho looking out for me? Without Ren keeping it real? Without Shion being annoying? No, he just couldn't imagine it. 

On the other side of the dilemma, there was Momoko. As much as he didn't want to leave JO1, he also couldn't fathom destroying her acting career just because he didn't act quickly enough. He had accidentally been the one who had helped Momoko get her first acting contract in years; How could he also be the one who ruined her acting debut? How could he do that to the girl who made his heart beat so fast, the same girl who danced so cheerfully and without restraint at the goth club?

 But at the same time, he didn't want to rush into any decision that involved him leaving JO1. He could play the part of the prince and immediately tell the company he was leaving so that he could save Momoko and her career, but would that really be good for JO1? Would that really be good for his heart, to exchange his brothers for the girl of his dreams?

And that was the other thing—even though he had confessed to Momoko and she had kissed him, he still didn't know what anything meant. Did Momoko really like him back? For all he knew, she could actually be in love with someone else. At least now he knew that she didn't like Toyama nor was she dating him.   

The fact remained that she had kissed him, but, since he hadn't gotten to talk to Momoko again because of Toyama, he couldn't find out how she actually felt about him. It made matters worse that Toyama had prohibited Ruki from contacting her. However, now that he thought about it again, technically Ruki was supposed to be banned from contacting her this whole time.

As far as he could tell, he was stuck. He wished he was a genius protagonist in an anime who could figure out how to win without sacrificing anything.

Ren might have a solution, he considered, but that would require me to explain the whole thing to him. That was not something he would resort to just yet. 

At the moment, all he could think to do was to wait a few days to come up with a solution. Time was of the essence, but he wasn't going to give up on JO1 as long as there was hope that he could save himself, JO1, and Momoko. 

******

"I missed you so much!" Junki announced as soon as Ruki reappeared in front of the members. 

"I was only gone one night," Ruki laughed, flustered by Junki's sudden admission. 

Never wanting to be one-upped by Junki, Keigo was soon flooding Ruki with questions about the experience, most of them centering around the fact that he had a solo photoshoot with Momoko.