The Abandoned Empress

Chapter 37

I was afraid that I would be abandoned by precious people if I told the truth. I couldn't shake off the harrowing memories of being used by the god that I believed and relied on, and that I was deserted by the one I loved from the bottom of my heart. So I just bit my lip hard.

"Could you tell me why you are so scared and how I can help you?"

"... "

"Trust me, Tia. I'll take some of your burden off your chest. Tell me what you are so afraid of. "

'Don't you want to get the burden off your chest?' The second voice began to whisper again.

'I know you have been keeping your worries inside without talking to anybody. Have you already forgotten your vow that you want to live with people around you? If you don't tell him, you are going to get stuck where you are for the rest of your life.'

I replied to the second voice with my eyes closed. 'Yes, you are right. I'm scared. But if I keep hiding like this, I won't be able to escape forever. I hate to live like that. I don't want to be trapped in that memory and let it torment my whole life.'

I took a big breath. Putting my hands on my heart that was beating so fast, I opened my mouth,

"... Well, I had a dream. It was a very long dream."

"Dream?"

I trembled when I looked at Allendis tilting his head. I barely plucked up the courage to tell him, but I became weak again, so clenching my fists, I opened my mouth, "Yes. I loved someone a lot in my dream, but I was distressed because of that love. I was lonely, my heart was broken, and I was very hopeless."

When I saw his expressionless look, I was scared, but I couldn't tell him the whole truth. I came back to ten from seventeen, but everything around was real. Who could believe this kind of nonsense? This was a matter of common sense before faith.

"Now, I am completely awake from that dream, but I can't erase my memories and feelings from that dream."

"... "

"So I wanted to get out of that dream by all means. I didn't want to repeat that pain. But... "

My miserable times came to my mind, let alone the painful memories that were never easily forgotten, though they were not as vivid as before.

"I really want to shake it off, but I can't. I thought I found out the way, but I am running out of time. I just don't know what to do and how to escape. I really don't know. "

I grabbed the bedsheet with a trembling hand. I was breathing too fast, gasping for breath.

I desperately blinked my eyes to clear my blurry vision. Allendis, who was listening to me without saying anything, slowly contorted his face.

A sense of anxiety gradually began to seize me. I tightened my grip on the bed sheet.

"I see. You must have had a nightmare. Don't worry too much. A dream is just a dream. It can never be a reality."

"Allen."

"By the way, Tia. I'm a little sad. "

Tears came from my eyes the moment he soothed me kindly, but very briefly.

"I don't know why you are telling me about your dream. You know that's not what I asked you. Why are you trying to beat around the bush, Tia? Are you afraid I will do something bad to you if you tell me the truth?"

I freaked out when he said that. Looking at his hollow eyes, suddenly I came to realize one thing. Yeah, it was not me alone who didn't trust the other person.