Limlendez

PTSD

"Doctor Lim."
Audrey shot up and looked at Neil Melendez. He gave her an interesting look.
"What do you think of Doctor Brown's idea?" Neil prompted.
Audrey's mind scrambled to remember what Claire had said. "It won't work. The bifurcation of the lungs is to damaged. We all know the course of action that must be taken. So who is going to rip off the band-aid and tell him?"
Claire, Shaun and Neil all looked her in mild shock. Audrey stood up, collected the files that she needed and walked out of the meeting room. Audrey entered her office and closed the door, leaning against it. Audrey's lungs felt like they were being constricted as breathing became harder. She fought back the tears that threatened to fall, wiping her lower water line.
She went and sat behind her desk. Audrey pulled out her pulse oximeter from her desk and placed it on her finger. She waited, evening her breathing. Her heart rate was drawn up to nearly 75 beats per minute. Audrey took off the oximeter and dropped it into her drawer. She looked down and saw the written prescription she received on her first visit to a psychiatrist.
"Audrey," Neil asked, opening her door.
Audrey closed her drawer and looked up at him. Neil and Audrey's relationship resumed after Neil's near death experience. Audrey confessed that she realized that she was only protecting herself and not thinking about them as a couple. Their relationship was closer than ever now, but lately Neil noticed Audrey's reclusiveness.
"What happened in there?" Neil asked, sitting on the edge of the seat in front of her.
"Nothing happened," Audrey said defensively.
"You practically bit Claire's head off because she had an idea," Neil pointed out.
"I told her that it wouldn't work." Audrey crossed her arms. "He needs a double lung transplant. If we only replace one, the other one fails and he is back needing a second transplant."
"What is going on?" Neil asked. "You haven't been yourself lately. You're shorter and much harsher."
"I'm the same I've always been," Audrey said tightly. "Is that all? I have paperwork I need to do."
Neil sighed, but stood and left. "See you at home?"
Audrey looked into his eyes. They were so soft and caring, but Audrey did not want to burden him with her problems. "No, I'll be late coming home tonight. I have a lot of paperwork to finish."
Neil nodded solemnly and exited, leaving Audrey questioning her abilities and her emotional stability.

"What happened?" Neil asked. "And don't say paperwork, cause you don't get punched by paperwork."
Audrey and him were driving back from a day full of work. They had not had much time to talk at all, as both were busy with their respective jobs. Audrey subconsciously reached up and touched her forehead.
"I crashed my bike last night coming home," Audrey finally said. "It's not serious."
Neil pulled into the driveway of his house. "Aud, what is going on? You've been reclusive and short tempered."
"I've always been short tempered," Audrey said, stepping out of the car and making her way towards the front door.
Neil walked with her and they entered the house. "But you've never been short tempered with the patients you work with, at least you've never been mean to them."
Audrey took her shoes off and tried to keep her composure as Neil began finding out. "I wasn't mean today."
"You made a teenage girl cry into making a choice for her dad." Neil grabbed her arm as she tried to walk away.
"She needed to make a choice, she wanted to be an adult, she was," Audrey said, barely holding back tears.
"Audrey look at me," Neil said.
He turned her around and saw the broken look. Neil instantly drew her close, letting her finally release the pain and emotions she had been feeling. Neil and Audrey stood in the entrance hallway for who knows how long. Neil held Audrey, slowly sliding them to sitting on the ground. Audrey was shaking, but not from the sobs that wracked her body.
"What happens?" Neil asked.
"I hear it," Audrey whispered. "I hear everything again. All the machines stopping, the sound when the heart stops, all the times that I called death."
Suddenly it clicked for Neil. "Audrey, you didn't have to carry this alone. I'm here."
"No, I didn't want anyone to know." Audrey tried to pull away, but Neil kept her resting on his chest.
"I know this is your safety mechanism." Neil brushed his hand through her hair. "You shut your emotions off so that no one thinks less of you. You bottle up all your emotions."
"It's the only way I know how," Audrey breathed.
"I know, but now you can learn a new way," Neil encouraged. "I know the time of COVID was hard. I was there too. Audrey, talk to me. Let me help you through your PTSD."
Audrey looked up at him. "How did you know it was PTSD?"
Neil raised his eyebrow as her. "You're having the symptoms of grief for your job months after the pandemic."
Audrey sighed and nodded. "I'm sorry, Neil."
Neil kissed her head and hugged her close. He would never let her go. He would never leave her like her last husband. Audrey was his to love, his to help and his to take care of.

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