Wonderland

VI - Truth

To my dearest daughter.

I wrote you this letter in hopes that you may read it to refresh your memories. When the doctors said that you have amnesia, I was struck. I didn't know what to do. But then again, what have I done to you that prove me as a worthy mother?

Ever since you were born, you had been the shining beacon of our family. Your father was scared to go to the war and leave me, but your smile gave him courage. I was diagnosed with a terrible disease when you were four years old, but seeing you trying to help me gave me the strength to recover. Your brother loves you dearly too, he told stories about you going around the town helping people. You've done it so much they call you "little goodie two-shoes"! Take pride in that! Never forget it! There were some bullying you for being too nice around people, but you never fought back. I am sorry that I couldn't always be there to shoo them off.

Shortly after your father died in the war, our family found itself in poverty. I couldn't pay the loan that your father was supposed to pay, and the collectors were getting impatient. One by one, I sold our prized possessions, then our furniture, then some of our basic needs. But it wasn't enough. The collectors dropped an ultimatum; pay tomorrow or they would take you and your brother.

You and your brother are my everything. I could not let them take you both.

So I followed a rumour, of a witch that grants wishes in a lonely forest. I asked to be freed from the debts. The witch said there would be consequences, but I was willing to do anything to protect you both.

But I didn't expect the consequence to be your life.

Shortly after I was able to pay the debt, you began acting strange. You started to laugh and scream in the middle of the night, as if something possessed you. Sometimes you refused to help people, and one night I even found you cutting your own wrist one time.
Then the incident that shocked everyone happened. You assaulted the bullies attacking you, sending one to the hospital. Then you proceeded to hurt yourself until you collapsed. You were rushed to the hospital where you only woke up for a short while, asking your name and what you were doing here. Then, you collapsed again until the time I am writing this letter.

When this letter reaches the hospital, I will have set sail to another country, in search for a better place to live. The boat will not sail back until three months later due to poor weather, so I am sorry for leaving you for such a long time when you need me the most. If you ever wake up before that, please don't be scared and follow what the doctors say. You can trust them! Also, your brother will be visiting the hospital to check on you every night, so look out for him too. Once I sail back, I will return to the hospital to wait for you to wake up. It will be close to your 13th birthday, too!

I understand that this can be overwhelming to read, but I couldn't help but to write all this. Needless to say, you are not to blame for what has happened; the blame is on me and me only.
I tried all I could to keep living and taking care of you two after your father died, but it wasn't enough. I made a deal with an evil witch but I didn't think that the consequence could've been your life. You are my little goodie two-shoes, but I failed to give you the life you deserve or even want.

I'm sorry for ruining your everyday happiness.

I'm sorry I couldn't protect you.

I'm sorry I can't be there for you.

I'm sorry I can't be a proper mother to you.

I am so, so sorry for everything.

If you want to, you can choose to forget all of this, and start over from the beginning. But please, whatever choice you make, how much things you forgot, never forget the one gift from your brave father, and this frail, unreliable mother. We had a lot of fun deciding it, and I hope you'd like it too.

Your name is Annelie Amber.

Your loving mother.

Julia Amber