Ikigai: A Reason To Live

A glimpse of her past

I remember the day perfectly still, the sun was shining its fullest just like any other day. Streets were barren. The queer quietness was killing people from horror. This very day, I saw reality for the first time. I heard my mother crying and breaking apart.

[Third Point of View Begins Ahead]

A six-year-old with nice chocolate brown hair and deep brown sparkling eyes playing with her cars and making the baby noises was strangely cuddling her toys in the lawn. 

She speaks, "See Hanna, you are not sick anymore. I told you this dirt will make you feel better. Now get better soon then you will run as fast as the great monster truck our neighbor Mark has. You sure will win the race and make me proud just like my mother wants me to make her proud. You know I can't. All the other girls in my class play outside while my mother makes me knit a scarf at home. I don't like it and I told her so the other day but she wouldn't listen. I don't hate her but I hate when does this. I just wish father was here. Mother will not be so sad and lonely.

 It's my birthday and I know she is sad and angry with me because my father died on my second birthday. My birthday is like this every time. Mother gets sick so often now. I just hate this. I wish things were not like this. I have to take you inside now or you will catch a cold. Rest well." She gets up, brushes off any speck off her red frock then holding the little toy car in her hand she barges inside the house. She sees the house is dark and every curtain over the window. 

Her breathing picks up as her heart skip a beat. The poor old thing is terrified to her bones. "Mother, where are you? Why is it so dark?" She hears a frail voice from a corner, "Come here, Ally. I have a headache and it is so sunny today. Those migraines are coming back again. I'm so sorry, dear. Mommy can't back you a cake today but I will ask Luna to pick some from the bakers. Mommy is in her bed. Come quick, dear." 

The little girl runs to a corner to her mother's room. She enters the room and tiptoes to the bed and sits down beside her mother. She answers, "It's okay, mother. I won't have a birthday cake without you." She smiles and holds her mother's hand. 

The mother holds her arm upwards and the little girl hugs her back. Mother pats her back and a tear falls on her cheek. "You have grown so much, dear. It seems yesterday you were this little girl and now look at you. You're mommy, big girl." She holds her girl tightly to her chest. She swallows down the tears threatening to fall. She kisses the crown of her girl and lets her go.

 The girl let go of her mother and turn to grab a glass of water from the side table. Mother mutters under her breath, "I wish your father was here. If he was here your fate could have been better." The girl hands her the glass of water. She grabs her mother's phone from the side table and calls the nurse. 

Once, the call is connected she hands the phone to her mother. Mother speaks weakly, "Luna, can you come over. Yes, those migraines are hitting me again. It's Allen's birthday. Thank you." She ends the call and hands the phone over to her daughter. Her daughter puts the phone away and sits down beside her mother.

 Minutes later, a girl who is in her twenties perhaps, with a pretty smile beaming on her face, is present in the same room along with Allen and her sick mother. Luna is rubbing a wet towel on the mother's face. She says, "Allen, go outside and play. I'm here now. Don't bother mother. She will be fine tomorrow." The girl nods and walks outside the room. AS soon as she closes the door, she hears her mother talking, "Luna, I don't know what I will do with Allen. She is growing so fast and stronger just like her father. She reminds me of him. It refreshes the wounds...""Cara, don't talk like that. everything will be alright soon. You will get better and take care of her. You are just as strong and brave as the late master."

"No, I'm not getting better, Luna. I know I have not much time left. I will die soon maybe not today but in a few years, I will. When I do, will you take care of her? This fight is killing me. I want to forget the pain and start today with my daughter but I can't. I'm hanging on to my love and past. I want to run away from it all sometimes. I want to run away. But Allen is my life too. She is my little girl and I just wish she has a nice future. I just wish she never faces misfortunes like me..."

"Things will get better, soon. Now take this medicine and rest."

The little girl runs off to her room and shuts the door. She falls on the ground and weeps to her heart's content. She cry because she sees her mother breaking apart and crying. This is all new to her. Little does she know things will get tougher for her with time. 

[End of third point of view]

This day is imprinted in my mind still. Things did get tougher for us after that year. Mother contacted her stepfather, my grandfather Percy Stinson for forgiveness. He was on his deathbed. He never forgave her for going against her will. She married my father, John Haden, against his will so he banished her from the family. He refused to consider her as his daughter. 

My uncle, Calah Stinson inherited all his heritage. Still, uncle was kind enough to help us with our expenses. He kept Percy's word. He never let mother set foot on his grounds. He was bound to the world of honor and promises still he hated it. Probably still does. These were his struggles and sacrifices. Everyone has them just in a different way and time.

**********************************************************************************************

 Author's Note:

This is a short chapter and incase you are confused this is all the dream and thoughts of Allen while sleeping. I just wanted to give my beloved readers a blurb of what was her past. Anyways, if you enjoy reading it please like and comment. It will really help and improve, giving you a better outcome.

***********************************************************************************************