after messing with bad and skeppy for multiple hours, we ended stream. karl was exhausted, barely keeping his eyes open. i was tired as balls, and i looked like it too. my eyeliner was smudged and my hair was frizzy. my skin was paler than usual, making me look sick.
i didn't feel the greatest either, so i laid down on the guest bed. twitter was freaking out. the three of us were all separately trending, as well as the ship name alex and i had gotten. i couldn't deny that i thought some of the shipping was cute, but it was giving me a lot of false hope.
karl didn't give us any extra blankets since he fell asleep so early, and the one alex and i had brought was not going to be enough. it didn't help that the only jacket i had was in the car. laying down, i closed my eyes for a moment, immediately being brought back to the nightmare i had the night before.
it wasn't the image that was scary, it was the feeling it gave me. i remembered running through the house alex and i now shared, calling out to him. i couldn't find him, or any trace of him every being in the house. i couldn't even find the cat, tiger.
i wasn't crying, but my head hurt much more than before. i curled up into a ball, trying to stay as warm as i could. i heard someone open the door, but i didn't turn to look.
"well, you look a little chilly." alex laughs. he throws a hoodie at me. i didn't hesitate to pull it over my head. i put the hood on and tied the strings together.
"thanks." i mumble, still shivering. alex laid down next to me, pulling the blanket closer to him. it took me with the blanket, but i really wasn't complaining.
i wasn't able to sleep, i was too distracted with the boy across from me. he played with the strings of the hoodie he gave me, humming softly.
it wasn't surprising that alex was actually very good at singing. a couple times i had caught moments where he wasn't trying to sound bad, and holy shit it made me melt.
"don't over think this." i moved over to him, hugging his torso. he tensed up for a second, before warming up to it. my head rested on his chest, listening to his heart. i was beyond nervous, i could feel my face getting hot.
"you don't even realize what you do to me." alex whispers. he sounds tired, his voice is a little shaky. my eyes widen, was he implying what i think he is? i had a feeling that he had the same feelings for me, but i dismissed it as a fantasy.
"then explain." i stuttered a little, which made my fake confidence noticeable.
"i fucking love you."
i sit up, taking my hood off so i could look at him. my hair fell out of its ponytail, probably in an ungodly mess, since it was curly. i hadn't processed what he said, but my body did. alex sat up too, facing me. the comforter had been pulled off both of us, leaving us in goosebumps and our pajamas.
"what?" the word came off my tongue dryly, almost making me cough.
"god this is awful timing if you don't feel the same." he doesn't look at me, his eyes are glued to his hands. "i have feelings for you. romantically."
"oh thank god."i mumble without thinking. i could of said a lot of things that would have been better than that, but i was so relieved that i wouldn't have to block out all my feelings for him. mostly, because i wasn't sure i could.
but, this created another problem. how the hell was i supposed to treat alex the way he deserved?
"alex, i don't want to hurt you." my voice is raspy, i didn't sound like myself.
"how do you feel about me?" he asks.
"it doesn't matter, i couldn't-" i start to say.
"reyna." he cuts me off, holding my hands. "how do you feel about me?"
again, i made the mistake of looking at him. his eyes were glossed over, hinting at the tears forming. i opened my mouth to speak, closing it, before opening it again.
"i'm in love with you but i know i won't be able to be the person that you deserve to be with." there it was. what i've been feeling, what i've been thinking every time i look at him.
"oh my fucking god, reyna." alex grabs the sides of my face gently, brushing my hair back before looking at me again. "you are the one that is completely out of my league. everything you do makes me go fucking crazy, you could literally breathe and i could write multiple essays on how your being is the greatest thing that's ever happened to this world."
i didn't know how to form the words to tell him the way i felt. i didn't know how to explain it or show it. my mind was a mess, i felt like crying. it was like trying to scream but forgetting how to.
"i love you." i throw myself into his arms. "and i don't know how to explain it the way you do, the way you did, but i love you so much that i can't put it into words and i'm sorry."
"i'm not asking you to." he rubs my back. "please just stay."
"i'm here and i always will be. even if i'm mad at you for something stupid, even if i'm being a complete moron, if you need anything, i'm here. i'm not leaving unless you want me to." i ran my hands through his hair, remembering him telling me how much he liked the feeling one night.
"i will never ask you to leave."
"i'm really not tired." alex and i had been quietly talking for the past hour, onto more lighthearted stuff.
"want to watch tommy's video's and make fun of them?" alex offers.
"the answer will always be yes to that."
