The Struggle Is Real

Depression and Anxiety

Chapter 2

Depression and Anxiety

I am 18 years of age and but have struggled with depression and anxiety since I was in the 5th grade. I was always a bit of a worrier but in sixth grade, panic attacks, depression and anxiety took over my life. Around the age 14, I was bullied quite severely which in turn had an impact on my mental health. I began to feel hopeless and pessimistic, feeling guilty and experiencing feelings of worthless. I was always a reserved and quite boy who did not know how to talk about how I was feeling. I come from a family of six and it is admittedly hard being the youngest child but still not getting any attention. I am the youngest of three brothers and two sisters. This may sound peculiar but I am pretty sure my parents hate me, even if they would never say it, but I still love them. Imagine waking up in the morning knowing you will be facing one of your worst fears. It is like someone who is afraid of heights, knowingly they are going to be standing on top of a tall building. I was alone, I was spit at, got cornered, kicked and beaten up on a daily basis, add insult to injury, had threats, every other day. I got publicity humiliated on several occasions as well as being laughed as for the usual, stupid reasons, the list goes on...

Depression and Anxiety

I remember when I went into the lively kitchen to talk about being bullied and how it made me feel. I was expecting some understanding and comfort but that is not what I received. To this day, I still
remember exactly what my stepmother said to me
"You are too young to be stressed. Just do not forget to pray"; her response made me feel like my feelings did really not matter, as I was 'young' and had not experienced life yet. At times, I believe that I was not taken seriously due to my age. I was young so perhaps my step mom believed what I was feeling at that time was temporary. I felt sad for some time as I hoped that could at least talk to my sister and get some encouragement, but unfortunately she was always in her phone, busy. The topic was not discussed for some time and I was always the one to bring it up. I kept on trying so hard to talk to my stepmother about it, but she told me repeatedly to just "pray about it". I took her advice. I started praying all night, tears would flow but still it did not help me

Depression and Anxiety

Everyone has a different way of dealing and coping with issues that they may be struggling with. My family does not understand me and I hate surrounding myself with happy people who do not understand what I am going through.
Since everyone has always treated me like they did not care, I believed them because I knew that they do not really care. Even though it would make it worse not to talk about it but sometimes, I feel nobody cares about me. When I was 16, I decided to go for a therapy and that taught me that I am only responsible for myself and as one else - I am all I have got in this life.

Depression and Anxiety

You know, some people with mental health disorders are often referred to as 'Crazy' with a little acknowledgement of what the person may be facing, they underestimate or call you names of how much mental health has an impact on our day to day lives.