3 (jaylor) perpetual darkness and stolen sequin smiles

chapter four.

It had been one month and seven days since the Met Gala. Taylor was still staying in L.A, and she was feeling happier than she had in months. She had spent nearly every day with Adam, and he'd been so kind. Yesterday she woke up to flowers on her doorstep from him, and they were now sitting by her piano. She spent a lot of the time that she wasn't with him, looking at his flowers.

It was a relief to her when Joe's face began to fade into the foreground of her mind, when she could sleep without dreaming of him. When she could close her eyes without picturing him standing there in front of her. Today, she was going out for dinner with Adam. It was going to be the first time that the two of them were being seen out in public together. She was trying not to be too stressed about that, about what they were going to say. She was always terrified of what they'd release about her, it was probably going to be a list of all her past boyfriends and what exactly she'd done to scare them off. It was a waiting game, those articles hanging over her head. Adam had reassured her several times that he didn't care what the media had to say about her, that they didn't really know what was going on in her life. Oh, how right he'd become.

Adam was picking her up at six o'clock, and the day dragged on. She walked around the house with Olivia following along behind her, every step of the way. She didn't even know what to do to occupy herself, because all she could think about was Adam. How he'd treated her so kindly and how he'd kiss her cheek whenever he said goodbye. How he'd text her in the middle of the night just to let her know that he couldn't stop thinking about her. She hadn't felt like this in such a long time, and she couldn't help but ask Karlie if she was free this afternoon. She had tried hard to keep in contact with her friends even though she felt as if she didn't deserve any of them. She'd caught up with Selena earlier in the week, which had been so lovely considering that they'd both been so busy over the last few months.
Selena was always the friend she went to when life got too much, when the cameras and the paparazzi became too overwhelming. She understood exactly how Taylor felt, understood the pressure to be perfect and just how bad words could hurt. Sometimes when things got really bad, the two of them would meet at Taylor's house and they would spend the entire day baking, drinking wine and swimming in the pool.
Taylor was so grateful to have friends like Selena, like Karlie and Blake. She was so glad that they all knew what it was like to live in the spotlight. She couldn't wait to talk to Karlie, it felt like they hadn't seen each other for too long, they had so many things to discuss. She couldn't wait to talk about Adam, about how nice he was and how he always seemed to know what to say. That they'd spent practically every single day together, relaxing by the pool, baking cupcakes, watching Netflix and laughing. She'd even played some of that song she'd written after he'd first come around to her apartment. Of course, she didn't mention the fact that she hadn't written it with him in mind. She didn't mention the fact that she had written it thinking of another. He had loved it, and he said that some day they'd release it together.

"So you mean to tell me that he walked up to you, taking your hand and kissing it?" Karlie exclaimed as the two of them lay by the pool. "How romantic!" Taylor laughed at how excited she was, at the way she couldn't keep it in. "He sounds really nice! And I bet those flowers must have been super expensive- and the fact that the two of you have been spending all day every day together? Wow. I just can't believe that - it all just sounds so fucking romantic!" And she knew that it was romantic, and she'd never experienced anything like it before. She'd never had anyone buy her flowers like that, or offer to write a song with her. She could tell that he genuinely wanted to be with her, and that was nice, because she hadn't felt that way in any of her past relationships. She'd always felt as if they didn't truly want to be with her, that they felt pressure to be with her. She understood it, because realistically there was just so much pressure when they were with her. And the media certainly didn't help that, with all their stories about her being a psycho serial dater. But Adam seemed to ignore all of that, constantly telling her that he didn't ever pay attention to what they said, that it was all bullshit. It was reassuring to hear him say stuff like that, because sometimes the headlines and their stories could be so convincing that Taylor couldn't help but believe a lot of them herself.
"We're going out for dinner tonight, which is kind of scary because it's going to be the first time we've been seen out in public together," Taylor smiled. "But I think that's it's going to be so nice, and he told me that it's a surprise, but to wear something a little formal." Taylor couldn't help but feel really excited. She really liked spending time with him, loved to talk to him and laugh with him.
She always found herself thinking about why he had chosen to come up to her, why he'd chosen to kiss her hand out of all the other women that he could have. And he could have had any number of people in that room. But he'd chosen to walk up to her, and greet her with that irresistible smile.