Benji oneshot

JWCC S2 spoilers!

For a while, Kenji's anxiety was under control. He really thought he was getting the hang of it, and Ben was a pretty big help. They'd had a few arguments, but even through that, Ben had been willing to talk him through any bursts of panic.

Then Ben had fallen from the monorail.

Kenji had never been good in emergencies, but that was way  worse. He froze, leaving Darius to try and help Ben up all by himself. And after that, they'd jumped, and the whole time, Kenji had been too shocked to be anxious.

Bumpy disappearing had almost gotten him, but thankfully, Darius shaking him like a broken remote had helped, at least a little bit. 

Now, sitting up in a tree, the first night after realizing they were truly alone on the island, Kenji was trying his best not to wake anyone else up. The last thing he needed was any of them hearing him struggling to even breathe properly.

He was the one who knew everything about the island. He was the oldest-at least, as far as he knew-and the one who the other could depend on to keep joking even with the most dangerous situations. Kenji had already let them down in the tunnels, and he wasn't about to do it again.

He'd let Ben down, too. And they all knew how that turned out.

Sucking in a breath, Kenji shakily climbed over Brooklynn-why did she have to sleep so close, anyway? He wasn't a blanket-and lowered himself to the grass.

It was a dumb move, leaving in the middle of the night, all alone. But the silence up there was deafening. Even Yaz's snoring didn't break it up enough for him. So, instead, he headed back towards the dock.

They hadn't traveled very far since they missed the boat. They'd walked around a lot, but Darius had said something about the docks being pretty far out of the way of most of the dinos for now, so they were staying there. Just for the night. At least it gave Kenji a place to sit and stare without worrying about anyone else seeing him.

With a sigh, he flopped down on the cement, and let his legs dangle over the water.

His heart was skipping every other beat. Tucking his hands under his legs to try and stop them from shaking, he counted to eight, a trick Ben had taught him to time his breathing.

Ben.

Breathe out.

One. Two. Three. Four.

The trees rustled, wind puffing cold air at Kenji's face.

Five. Six. Seven.

He struggled not to breathe too quickly, and mess the whole thing up. Just like he messed up everything else.

Eight, one two threefour

Just like that, any spell the trick could've cast over Kenji was broken, and his breathing was going off the charts again. He brought his legs up to his chest and buried his face. Dirt stung his eyes.

What else had Ben taught him? Distract himself, but with what? Everyone was asleep, and he didn't want their distractions. Ben was gone. He was alone, all over again.

Kenji was miles and miles away from home, but he was still alone. Miles away from his boring, suffocating house, and in the middle of the wide-open jungle, and it was still too small. Even further then that from his father's blatant disregard of anything Kenji did, and he still felt that weight on his shoulders, like it was about to crush him.

For a second, Kenji wondered if diving into the water and swimming around would jolt him out of this... whatever was happening to him. Then he realized that would probably just make it worse.

Instead, he forced himself to stand up and shake his arms around.

Ben hadn't taught him that one, he'd come up with it himself. Shaking made him feel like he was a bit more in control, somehow, and it helped, at least for a while.

Chewing on his upper lip, Kenji wiggled his fingers, and threw his arms around haphazardly.

Another good reason none of the others should ever see him like this. He didn't just look weak, sometimes he looked straight up dumb. And Kenji hated looking dumb.

"C'mon, Kenji boy, you got this. Nothing's happening. No dinos, no friends getting hurt, no nothing," he said quietly.

Rolling his head around on his shoulders, he sucked in a deep breath. The cold air stung his lungs.

One hand drifted to the fanny pack.

"Man, I wish you were here, Benny."

Tears pricked at the back of Kenji's nose and eyes, and he hurried to wipe his face. Taking a bit of hand sanitizer, he glanced back towards the others, and chuckled wetly.

No wonder Darius was the leader. Kenji couldn't even lead himself out of an anxiety attack, much less lead them all off a dinosaur infested island. Maybe he could've, but now... nope. Darius was their best bet-only bet, really.

 Making a kid do something that should've fallen to him. Could anything be more Kenji then that?