Chicago Fire, "It's Our Time Now"

It Ain't Easy

I walked back to the common room after leaving Bodens office and instantly a wave on nausea flooded over me. I walked normally until I rounded the corner, and then when I knew no one was looking I booked it for the bathroom.
After throwing up, I left the stall and went to the sink to wash up. And to my surprise, a young blonde girl came out of a few stalls down. I had to take a double take because for a second, I could've swore it was Shay. And I was sad again when it wasn't.
But the girl threw me a smile and said, "Hi, my name is Sylvie. Sylvie Brett. You must be Gabriela Dawson?" She came closer to me and put her hand out. Mine was wet so I wiped it on my pants before shaking hers.
"Yes, that's me." I answered.
"I'm your new paramedic on 61."
"Well, it's great to have you." I got ready to walk away but she stopped me.
"Wait.. Dawson."
I was hoping she wasn't gonna bring up the fact that she just caught me puking. So I hesitantly turned around and she continued, "I.. I heard about your partner, Shay. And I'm so very sorry for your loss. I just want you to know I'm not here to try and replace her. I understand the transition is gonna be hard but I'm always here if you need anything."
I smiled and said, "I appreciate you saying that. Welcome to 51."
I walked out of the bathroom and back to the common room. I took my spot at the table and a few seconds later Matt walked in. He kissed me on the head and sat down. Then Sylvie walked in. She headed for coffee.
Matt watched me as I looked at her. I just couldn't believe how much she looked like Shay.
"Have you met her yet?" Matt asked.
"Yeah.. I just did."
Otis leaned towards me and whispered, "doesn't she look so much like sh—"
Herrmann smacked his arm trying to shut him up.
"Yeah.. she does. She looks a lot like shay."
Everyone was silent.
In those 3 weeks I had been gone, Jason Burns didn't last. Chout came back to fill my place temporarily while I was gone, and I guess that was enough to chase Jason out the door. But what no one told me was about the new paramedic. Maybe because they were afraid that I'd leave again, or maybe more so because they wanted me to see her for myself. Before anyone could break the silence, the alarm went off. "Truck 81, squad 3, ambulance 61, house fire 1932 bay ave." We all loaded up and headed out. When we got there, the fire was escalating. The guys quickly geared up. A woman came out of the front door coughing and screaming that her husband and daughter were still inside but she couldn't get to them. We took her to the ambulance to get checked out and put on oxygen while the guys headed into the fire.
When Matt hurried into burning houses, I was always nervous. I almost stopped breathing every time because I was so scared for the worst to happen. But this time, I couldn't focus. Because now I was carrying his baby. A baby he didn't know about yet. And my only thought was, what if he doesn't make it out, then we would both be alone. It wasn't just me anymore.
Sylvie noticed I was distracted from the patient so she took over caring for her as I listened into the radio conversations. Squad 3 cleared the lower level and truck was sweeping the top. Then there was a big crash. Black smoke poured from the top of the house. And Chief Boden ordered everyone to get out. Then over the radio Herrmann responded, "Firefighter down Chief. It's Casey. We've got him, the husband and kid and we are heading out now." My heart sunk. My worst fear was happening yet again. As they all poured out the front door with Casey in their arms, I ran to him. His eyes opened as they set him on the ground. He said "I'm fine gabby. I'm okay. The ceiling collapsed and I just fell and hit my head."
"Does your head hurt?? Does anything hurt?" I asked nervously. He could see the worry written on my face. So he said it again, "Nothing hurts. I'm okay gabby. Really." I put my hand on his face and said "alright let's get him up." They guys helped him up and walked with him over to the ambulance where I checked him out. The guy they pulled out of the fire reunited with his wife and then went with his daughter as she was loaded into another ambulance. Matt checked out fine, the family was safe. I could breathe again.
When we got back to the firehouse, Matt went to his office. I followed. He again assured me that he was okay. But I couldn't help but worry. Because the last time he was hurt, it was his head. He knew that's exactly why I was freaking out over it. But I was being extra this time. Mostly because of the hormones, but also because I couldn't bare to lose anyone else, especially the man that I love.
While we sat in his office, I almost told him. I worked myself up to it and I was ready. But just as I was about to, he got a phone call. It was from my brother. Just when I thought things could clear up, and that everything was beginning to look okay, bad things kept coming my way. If only I could catch a break.