random thoughts and feelings

even forests need to be burned in order to grow

it's been like what, 10 months since that last chapter? well then let me fill yall in as what my brains been thinking since then. first things first, im definitely not as sad as often as i used to be. yea its still there but its been more sparce instead of constant. tho i guess the fact that ive become quite the anxious person has deterred me from completely relishing in my newfound relief. its a bit hard for me to leave my home, and if im somewhere too crowded or too loud or too overwhelming i start to feel all dizzy and it gets hard to breathe. but hey, the plus side is that no one wants me to come to family gatherings which means i can stay home more often! ive changed physically as well as mentally. aside from getting taller and even stronger, (even god is afraid of the power i have because he did not create me) i also look better in general. i dont look too different but i think the fact that my face no longer screams "currently having an existential crisis" makes me look less,,, dead i guess. in the last chapter i said that i hoped that new memories could help replace the old ones that give me pain. well i turns out that you can also just straight up forget everything from age 10 and down and youd have pretty decent results. aside from my shitty memory and attention span and my even shittier eyesight, i personally think im doing great, and that i look great. its like when your stomach hurts really bad and then you fart for like 5 minutes and then you feel better. my advice (that you probably shouldnt take) is that you just take all the sad memories and fart them out then boom no more sad because you cant even remember majority of why you were sad in the first place :D
in all seriousness, the hard moments of my life have helped teach me how to appreciate the good times. things will not always be good, but as long as youre willing to try and move on from whats hurting you, you can grow from your experiences.

im not memorizing the multiplication table. i have a calculator and my ass is phat ***intense rock music***