the suffering of harry potter

chapter one.

trigger warnings!

This chapter contains depictions of physical and verbal/mental abuse.

flashbacks

panic/anxiety attacks

depressive thoughts

You have been warned!

Please read at your own risk, and stay safe lovelies.

Now on with the story :)

chapter one.

{no pov}

Harry shuffled down the corridors of the Hogwarts express, trying to compose himself, to calm his racing heartbeat, to sooth his aching chest, to slow the ever constant shaking of his hands. It was no use. It was too loud, too many people. He was unable to cope. Picking up his speed to a light jog, he blindly pushed his way through the crowds of children, trying to find an empty compartment, an escape.

{harry's pov}

Please no, not now. I could feel the pounding of my heart in my ears, it was nauseating. I need to get out of here, now. Where are all the empty compartments?! FUCK. My hands are tingling, shaking, the memories gripping and grinding at my mind, make thinking almost impossible. The flashbacks were inevitable, being stuck in an abusive home you're whole life does that too you, but out of all the times an anxiety attack decided it wanted to appear, why. did. it. have. to be. now. I can't breathe. There's too many people. I'm losing grip on reality, where am I? I cant see. I CANT SEE. fuck. Help me. Please help me. Holding one hand to my head to help try and ease the pounding in my temples, I let my other hand glide in front of me, attempting to direct my focus on feeling my way to an escape. a room? a compartment? oh yes. Hogwarts. We're going to Hogwarts. Oh shit, we're going to Hogwarts! THE GLAMOUR. I HAVEN'T PUT MY GLAMOUR ON YET. OH MY GOD ARE PEOPLE STARING? THEY HAVE TO BE. I need to get out of here, NOW! Almost like the Earth was reading my thoughts, I felt my hand swipe across the cold metal of a compartment handle. Both praying and begging it was empty, I pressed my finger tips into the door handle, sliding the door open with the little bit of energy I had left. God I'm weak. I couldn't hear anything. Am I alone? Am I safe? I let the door slide shut behind me. I didn't even get as far as to put a locking or silencing charm on the door before my legs buckled and I felt myself falling towards the floor of the compartment. I could feel myself being torn between memories once again, floating through my head at rapid speeds. I couldn't keep fighting them, I was exhausted. My breathing quickened to an alarmingly fast pace, my hands clawed at my hair, trying to draw the pain away from the pain the memories brought with it. I couldn't keep doing this, I'm fucking done. My head was pounding beyond belief, my vision was darkening in the corners, clouding the little bit of sight I had left. I couldn't think, too trapped in the murky memories that filled my head and strangled the life out of me.

{flashback , still harry's pov}

It was him, Uncle Vernon. He was back. His purpling face marching towards me, a ferocious look of venom crossed his face. It was like I was once more trapped at Number Four Privet Drive. I was trapped there once more, once again in the cupboard under the stairs.

I couldn't breathe. What if he found me, I was dead, literally. I hadn't finished the chores for that day. Whimpering, I crawled further in on myself, trying to make myself as small as possible, trying to protect myself from the beating that was ahead.

"BOY!" he screamed. "GET YOUR FAT ASS OUT HERE RIGHT NOW YOU LAZY PIECE OF SHIT BEFORE I DRAG YOU!"

I was doomed, I couldn't do it, he was going to murder me. I want out. There's no saving me now, no one is coming to rescue me this time.

I could already feel it, his hands around my throat. I could feel the life being sucked from my body. I could feel the slowing of my heart, despite the strangled sobs and whimpers that escaped my tightly clenched throat. Still hyperventilating with the shock and pain of the whole situation, my veins pulsed with adrenaline. There was no use fighting it. It was the end. The world around me dimmed, my vision fading.

{end of flashback}

clawing at my hair, I tried to let myself fade into the welcoming darkness of unconsciousness.

Please let me go.

The racing of my heart, the pounding of blood and ringing in my ears, the stutters, the whimpering and the apologies that fell out of my mouth. It was all too much to bear. I wrapped my arms tightly around my legs, pulling them up to my chest.

Too engaged in my own thoughts, the memories, I failed to realise the white headed boy sitting in the corner of the compartment, staring at me in disbelief. I failed to notice the concern that filled his eyes. I was too far gone, that was until I heard the words that stopped my heart and cut off my airways altogether.

"Potter-?"

Words - 848

AN!!

Welcome! I hope the first chapter went okay, I spent a few days writing and editing.

I apologise for any punctuation/grammar problems, I am human :,)

As I've said before, this is my first ever fanfiction, so please don't come at me, I'm still only beginning.

As for the next chapter, I'm not sure when it will be up, I've been on summer break for the last two months, and I return to school tomorrow, therefore I'm going to be super busy with all the excessive school work that teachers like to drag me down with.

anywho's I love you guys, even though no one will probably ever see this, if you are, thank you so much, and please leave some feedback, I spent way too much time on this, and I'll only keep spending more time on it oops lol.

thank you.

clouds <3