Goodnight

Goodnight (Chen)

                             "We need to move him to the ICU"

                                                                    "We need to Isolate him from the other patients."

                   "It's getting worse."

                                                     "What about the vaccine?"

                                                                                        "We can still save him."

                " We're losing him."

                                                    "He won't make it..........."

" ...must I tread with care in matters of life and death. If it is given me to save a life, all thanks."

"I swear to fulfill, to the best of my ability and judgment, this covenant:

"I will respect the hard-won scientific gains of those physicians in whose steps I walk...."

Just as he was about to fall asleep his mind betrays him again and pulls him back to those words that he had uttered never thinking what would really happen. It pulled him back to where he was and what was happening.

Back to the hospital.

Every night he finds himself in another thought, another patient, another death, another regret, another night to lay and stay awake.

He opens his eyes, looking at the clock, it's 1:15 am. He looks around only to be reminded more of where he was. He ended his shift late "it's not like it ever ended this year" he thought to himself. It wasn't such a surprise that he spent his night at their hospital's dormitories, but it felt too wrong tonight or these past few days.

                         "--I will apply, for the benefit of the sick...."

He couldn't sleep "I'm at the hospital," he finds his excuse for tonight like how he had for the other nights this year. He looks at the ceiling where he always had his nights, it was the only space he could look at forgetting where he was. But tonight, it only reminded him more with the thought of the people he's sharing this ceiling with.

One patient in particular he couldn't stop thinking about, he's deep in his thoughts. He remembers the smile of a little girl full of hope for her and for her father.

"Daddy?" Confused as the emotions he feared one day he'd feel pity, empathy, were overflowing him just for her. He fights the tears forming on his eyes.

"Hi Yerim, it's me," his voice full of shame, thinking he could have done better (These thoughts weren't new to him but he could never get used to them.)

"When will dad come back?" The girl attempts to sits herself up before the doctor stopped her so she wouldn't lose her sleep. He settles and tuck her back under the blanket.

"For now, just know that he is in great hands." White lies, he's been telling this more often now, but he'll never like it.

"Really?!" With enthusiasm the girl looks at the doctor with her eyes full of hope.

"Yes, so you should go back to sleep now."

"Okay, I'll dream of dad and I together with mom." Her gleeful words could only stab him in his heart as if he hasn't had enough. He fights the thought of recounting the earlier events, finding in his strength to deny it at least for now and for the girl.